The Green Dragon is a Superhero, Not a Villain

The Republican strategy over the last 40 years can be boiled down to one phrase: they are the party of discontent. It's easier to get mad about the state of the world than it is to fix it; it's easier to breed discontent than loyalty to a cause.

It's also easy to create chaos as a smokescreen to legislate morality and advance a selfish corporate agenda that favors the rich.

As the party seems to run increasingly in lockstep with the Religious Right of late, it becomes increasingly difficult to separate the two groups. Although not all Republicans belong to the Religious Right (the smartest ones only sell their souls for tax cuts and corporate socialism), all Religious Right folks are Republicans, and so their fates are in concert.

As such, while I don't find this latest news surprising, I do find it eminently troubling:

Various conservative Christian leaders have united with the Cornwall Alliance for the release of a shocking new 12-part DVD series, "Resisting The Green Dragon," that attempts to debase and discredit the environmental movement by portraying it as "one of the greatest deceptions of our day" that is "seducing your children" and "striving to put America and the world under its destructive control."

In the video, David Barton, founder of WallBuilders, attests that environmentalists' "false assertions are based more on their own morbid pessimistic fears, not on any good science," while the president of the Southern Baptist Convention's Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, Dr. Richard Land, says, "Environmentalists have a long history of believing and promoting exaggerations and myths" -- statements both so steeped in irony that they are hardly worth parrying.

"One of the greatest threats to society and the church today is the multifaceted environmentalist movement," says Cornwall Alliance founder and national spokesman Dr. E. Calvin Beisner. "There isn't an aspect of life that it doesn't seek to force into its own mold."

(courtesy HuffPo)

Boy, that WallBuilder fellow sure is good at his job...of building walls wherever they can be built, regardless of need. At least, I assume that's what his job is, since no other description seems to fit the bill.

And so it goes that religious groups continue their relentless march to breed discontent between people who would otherwise find substantial common ground.

All religious doctrine, abridged:

Be nice to people, unless they belong to another group of people who also want to be nice to people. In this case, they are your enemy.

And so the ongoing Republican attack on all the "anti-religious" social advancements of the last 100+ years and vital "job-killing" environmental regulations has a delightfully bold ally in their quest to end mankind's tenure on Earth way ahead of schedule.

Yet Again, Religion Makes People Stupid

It wasn't that long ago that Bernie Madoff was busted duping his fellow Jews with impossibly high returns on investments. Greed and misplaced faith were their downfall.

Now it's the Christians' turn:

"It was a good place where Christians would be investing in the work of other Christians," said Karen Lamb, a 55-year-old Terre Haute, Ind, housewife.

More than five years later, the Lambs still are waiting to get most of their $53,000 investment back. Now a former pastor is going on trial for what authorities call a multimillion-dollar scheme that preyed on thousands of parishioners who thought they were helping build churches but were actually buying the man and his sons planes and sports cars.

Authorities say Reeves, founder and owner of now-defunct Alanar, and his three sons duped about 11,000 investors into buying bonds worth $120 million secured by mortgages on construction projects at about 150 churches. The men diverted money from new investments to pay off previous investors, pocketing $6 million and buying two airplanes, sports cars and vacations, according to court records.
Officials say the scheme operated mainly in Indiana, though church members in other states, including Florida, Michigan, Maryland and Oklahoma, also were victimized.

(courtesy HuffPo)

When will people learn that a common religion does not equate common values, that thieves are thick among religious folk, as they are with all folk, and--most importantly--that you should never invest ALL of your money in one place?

Probably never, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise that most people out there have no money to invest thanks to the Lords of Wall Street and the Chamber of Commerce.

In the meantime, be wary your fellow churchgoers...

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Old News: Vatican Corrupt

The world's smallest city-state is in the news once again and, once again, hopes its ridiculously inappropriate Foreign-Sovereign Immunity (which absolves it of all responsibility for child sexual abuse cases in the United States, fyi) will allow it to do whatever it wants while thumbing its nose at the peculiar secular world, where actions have consequences.

VATICAN CITY — Italian authorities seized euro23 million ($30 million) from a Vatican bank account Tuesday and said they have begun investigating top officials of the Vatican bank in connection with a money-laundering probe.

(courtesy HuffPo)

But don't worry, it's probably all a big misunderstanding--it's not like the Vatican has any history of highly-suspicious involvement with the mafia and/or catastrophic financial crimes:

The Vatican bank was famously implicated in a scandal over the collapse of the Banco Ambrosiano in the 1980s in one of Italy's largest fraud cases. Roberto Calvi, the head of Banco Ambrosiano, was found hanging from Blackfriars Bridge in London in 1982 in circumstances that still remain mysterious.

London investigators first ruled that Calvi committed suicide, but his family pressed for further investigation. Eventually murder charges were filed against five defendants, including a major Mafia figure, and they were tried in Rome and acquitted in 2007.

Banco Ambrosiano collapsed following the disappearance of $1.3 billion in loans the bank had made to several dummy companies in Latin America. The Vatican had provided letters of credit for the loans. While denying any wrongdoing, the Vatican bank agreed to pay $250 million to Ambrosiano's creditors.

(courtesy HuffPo)

Yikes! But soft--who runs the Vatican Bank? Its problems can most likely be blamed on greedy secular bankers operating outside the church's sphere of influence, right? The religious folk just made a few careless mistakes in who they hired to run their financial operations, right?

Wrong:

More after the jump...

United States v. Muslims: By the Numbers

(courtesy The Atlantic)

Just goes to show you that, despite our wealth and military muscle, we are but a moon orbiting the Muslim planet, and we should remember that as we spend trillions of dollars and end tens of thousands of lives chasing down the smallest enemy fighting force we have ever faced.

So take a step back, warmongers, hide your misspelled vitriol for a moment, and start taking up a collection to bribe your Congressional representatives to get us the hell out of Afghanistan, Michael Moore-style:

Let's dig a few thousand wells in Afghanistan, build a few free mosques, leave behind some food and clothing, fix their electrical grid, issue an apology and set up a Facebook page so they can stay in touch with us -- and then let's get the hell out. Your own National Security Advisor and your CIA Director have told you there are less than 100 al Qaeda fighters in the entire country. 100???                           (courtesy HuffPo)

As long as our unemployed serf brethren pony up more than Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, Halliburton, and Xe Services (nee Blackwater) combined, it should be easy enough to transform the United States into a slightly more sensible world power.

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Further Proof People Will Watch Anything If They Have No Good Choices

The Expendables takes the crown two weeks in a row, after FIVE new movies premiered this past weekend? And all it took was a $16.5 million haul in August?

Some shitty spoof of shitty vampire movies came out to no acclaim? A 3D remake of low-budget cult-hit Piranha? Bow-Wow wins the lottery? Some movie about Julia Roberts eating gelato in Italy while looking for herself/a man that middle-aged women don't even like?

What the fuck is going on? Is this the third horseman?

It gets worse: The Nanny McPhee sequel beat out America's Sweetheart(TM) Jennifer Aniston's The Switch. Ha-ha!

Will this undeniably laughable result finally decrease her shitty-romantic-comedy output to less than two per year in the coming decade (until she finally ODs on whatever it is that numbs her), or do I have to sew my eyeballs shut every time I risk encountering a billboard or commercial?

Speaking of Jennifer Aniston (nee Brangelina), I know there are plenty of men out there who would 'put one in her,' but aside from that, does anybody actually care for her at all? Anybody not on her payroll, I mean. Does she have fans? Who are they? Do they not realize how boring and whiny she is, or are they interested in her like somebody who goes down to the Y once a week is interested in some little kid without a dad?

By the way, not all movies made these days are shitty--the ones that are good are usually just really hard to find. For example, when will we finally get to see 2009's I Love You Phillip Morris?

Which 12 old white men running this country from the rec room at the C-Street House do I have to blow like a circus seal during some clandestine pagan ritual in order to get the religious-right minority to back down on this one? Would they even realize the irony in making me do that? How many of them will write me checks for my services because they don't know how to use an ATM?

I'd rather not have to accidentally blow any footsoldiers, so precision is appreciated here, my child; do whatever you need to in order to get me those names.

Love,
Your Mother

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Hypocrisy, By the Numbers

All life, even that of unwanted, unborn babies the size of pencil erasers, is important. It is the most important thing in the world. How important?

Way more important than dealing with all the starving/malnutritioned, poorly-educated children all over the country who were born into a life of poverty, crime, and neglect.

So important that right-wing asshole ideologues will kill medical personnel to make sure there isn't any killing going on.

Since 1977, there have been eight confirmed murders of abortion providers or other clinic staff, 41 bombings, 175 arsons and 96 attempted bombings or arsons, according to the National Abortion Federation.

(courtesy HuffPo)

Breaking the law to interfere with legally-sanctioned activities and ignoring all the most important tenets of every major religion, all in the name of hypocrisy. Thanks, Red America.

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Beware the Conservative Constrictor

My first reaction to the news that the Governor of Louisiana has just signed into law legislation that makes it legal for permit holders to carry concealed weapons in houses of worship was laughter. 

Finally, some crazy legislation that I can get behind!

Maybe if laws like these make church even scarier for those people on the religious fence, less of them will go there to waste their time and money getting brainwashed by creeps.

On top of that, why not segregate the armed fanatics and let them kill each other over some minor difference in the interpretation of the Bible as it may--or may not--relate to the local sports team.

Give that fly-on-the-wall Christ-on-his-Cross some goddamned entertainment, I say.

And then my second realization struck me--this is simply one more in a long series of backwards Conservative victories of late--legalized racism, leniency for the banks, revolts over better health care, corporate-sponsored elections--and it seems like it is happening all too easily.

Like they've practiced it. Like they're well-practiced at it.

After all, we are in a fairly catastrophic economic depression right now--that they caused, of course--and yet they are successfully using it as ammunition against the Liberals and the forces of good.

The total lack of logic here is startling only until you think about how easily controlled people are by the forces of evil. I mean, look how powerful the Church is, despite the fact there is not one bit of logic associated with it (faith being allergic to logic, of course), despite the fact that the number of Christian fanatics these days seems favorably tied to the number of exposed serial child molesters in their ranks.

If we take the bait and assume the Conservatives are forces of evil, then they must also be capable of using frighteningly awful deeds to further their interests.

What if, throughout history, the Conservatives (who have worn many different political uniforms over the years, mind you--generally whatever was in fashion) have not only deliberately underfunded education in order to keep the sheep content with the ass-end of life, but also intentionally caused recessions and depressions in order for The Men in Charge, in the ensuing panic, to get a tighter grip on the throat of the populace, to stir up trouble that warrants extreme measures of their choosing, to gorge themselves on the public coffers, to gradually get power and weapons in subservient hands?

What if the these Reagan/Bush years we have endured of late represent the crowning achievement of The Men in Charge in their millenia-long struggle to tax its serfdom to unbelievable yet invisible amounts and their struggle to raise the largest army in the world without paying a dime?

They enact a big tax cut for the rich and a small tax cut for the working classes, then use all of it to pay their companies too much money to do things that are not needed, to let the banks they all own borrow our money interest-free and gamble it for profit--with no promise of repayment, and to reward themselves with exotic holidays to places where gay prostitutes know how to keep their mouths shut.

All it takes to achieve such heights, after all, is a nation of self-absorbed rubes, a tight grip on the reins of power, subtle yet effective propaganda, clever empty promises, the patience to turn the screws slowly, a complete lack of compassion when breaking a few billion eggs, and the wisdom to know the best time to strike.

It may not be true, but it may not be wrong. Regardless, every time you wonder how it is that we are living in such a fucked-up society, remember the wisdom of the Dude: "It's like Lenin said, you know? You look for the person who benefits and...y'know?"

Well, the Conservatives are the only ones benefiting these days, so it's not as far-fetched as it may sound at first blush that their generations-long agenda is crushing the blue-collar torso of our country like a gargantuan boa constrictor.

Every time the Liberals come in to rescue us after a bad stretch and we breathe a sigh of relief at their arrival, the Conservative Constrictor just laughs and squeezes a little tighter, that much closer to their goal.

It's all part of the plan.

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Watch This

Happy July 4th, everybody!

Have a ton of fun this gorgeous Sunday, but please don't forget how relatively important your place is in the thick of this vast, chaotic universe--the purpose of your existence is entirely under your control and there are no limits.

[Thanks for the tip, Bob. -Ed.]

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My New Favorite Website

Steve Forbes

There aren't too many things in existence that I wish I had created myself (Five Easy Pieces, Tropic of Cancer, American Psycho, The Office, Sticky Fingers...), so although today has just begun, it has already been a day for the ages.

As I was trolling through Huffington Post--ie, reading the morning paper--I stumbled upon a website that I totally should have started a long time ago. It's called "Tea Party Jesus: The Words of Christians in the Mouth of Christ" and it is a stunning work of absurdist political comedy.

Check out a few of my favorite works after the jump and click on the name of the speaker for a link to the quote source. Also, if you can't read the text, just click on the image to enlarge it.

Armageddon is Nigh?

A quick perusal of Huffington Post this afternoon was perhaps the most depressing thing I have done in a long time. For all of you out there that don't believe me, read on and see if you can stand it:

What Can Brown Do for You: Scott Brown blocks Wall Street reform to ensure that taxpayers, not banks, pay the $19 billion cost of the bill
This one wins best title, for its apt use of what is most likely the worst corporate slogan in history. I've said it before and I'll say it again: why is one man who is not the President powerful enough to stop anything from happening?

The Bible: The First Corporation?

Much like the corporation is a faceless legal entity that conveniently takes all the blame for the actions of the greedy, shady humans that run it, the Bible readily absorbs blame whenever anyone wants to be an asshole.

Life Imitates Art: Anthony Hopkins Murders Wife, Stores Body in His Freezer

MOBILE, Ala. — An Alabama evangelist who authorities say terrorized his family while preaching at revivals has been sentenced to life plus 51 years in prison after being convicted of killing his wife and storing her body in a home freezer.

Circuit Judge John Lockett imposed the sentence Thursday on Anthony Hopkins, 39, who showed no remorse during the proceeding. He got the maximum sentence of life for murder and additional time for convictions including sodomy and sexual abuse.

(courtesy Huffington Post)

Okay, so...it isn't the Anthony Hopkins we all wanted it to be--cuz we all love a great hook that follows through, no matter the cost, right?--but it is an interesting story nonetheless.

Stay with me now:

During Hopkins' trial in April, prosecutors said he killed his 36-year-old wife, Arletha Hopkins, in 2004 after she caught him molesting a girl, then stuffed her body in a freezer at their home in north Mobile. Investigators discovered the body in 2008 after a young woman abused by Hopkins told child advocates about it, authorities said. Police arrested Hopkins while he was preaching at a revival in the south Alabama town of Jackson.

Defense attorney Jeff Deen said his client admits putting his wife's body in the freezer, but he doesn't know how she died.

"There's evidence in the trial that it could've been by natural causes, and it needs to be explored on appeal," Deen said.

Okay, so...there was a body in Anthony Hopkin's freezer for four years, while he was parading around the South preaching gospel to a bunch of suckers, molesting young girls, doing research for a role. Sorry.

I hate that it's the case, but this whole tragic affair in Alabama is no big surprise. I read about shit like this every day. Yes, the rise of the internet--not to mention the ready availability of audio recorders, video recorders, still cameras, traffic/security cameras, cell phones...--has been a sword with two razor-sharp edges.

Are people more corrupt and disgusting these days? Lord, no--think about the kind of shit the medieval aristocracy were up to, not to mention the Kennedys; think of how easy it was to cheat on your wife when phones didn't even exist. People today just get caught a whole hell of a lot more often, although, thanks to The People's short attention span and general ignorance, they rarely pay any price.

Anti-gay politicians busted for being gay, family-values politicians busted with mistresses/second families, deficit hawks voting for unlimited defense spending, Catholic priests molesting thousands of children, Popes kissing Nazi boots, televangelists raking in millions, Tom Cruise pretending he's not gay, Southern preachers molesting girls and murdering wives...it's all there on the internet, all there recorded for posterity, all there being ignored by 99% of the population. I wish the unwashed masses--who, unfortunately, have all the political muscle--were aware of all this shit, or at least aware of what it all means.

If you're reading, dear, dear, unwashed masses that I love more than little baby Jebus himelf, here is what it all means:

We cannot implicitly trust anybody in power to do the right thing--EVER--despite what they may or may not say with their mouths when they want your vote or get caught on camera with their dick in a small child or barnyard animal. Rather, we need to judge them based on their deeds and then hold them accountable; we need to look into the issues and identify those who act against our interests. This requires that we not only do our due diligence and read Huffington Post, Harper's, and Nothing is Sacred every chance we get, but also that we process what we are reading, come to intelligent conclusions, and act upon them.

Sadly, much like when they were in school, the unwashed were not paying attention.

They are all out there in this magnificent world, soiling theater seats as they chortle at lazy donkey-fart jokes in Shrek Again! In 3D!, petitioning the government to get their goddamn hands off their Medicare, Photoshopping fake Kenyan birth certificates, spacing out during reruns of Two and a Half Men as they reminisce about how cool high school was, playing video games, beating up fags on their way to the gay bar, staring at the wall and saying "Duh...", or taking advantage of the awesome drinkability of shitty domestic beer as they needlessly wave around a loaded handgun at their five-year-old's backyard birthday party, as part of some kind of elaborate joke nobody gets until they accidentally shoot a child in the face and they all crack up until they realize what actually, somehow, happened.


What is to be done about all this? Nothing.

That's right--nothing. Eventually, the people will do the right thing and revolt en masse. Eventually the cycle will repeat itself and people will wind up in the exact same place. It is what we do.

Why do you think intelligent people who are not also thieves and assholes always have such a frustrating time of things?

The secret is to not care, to stop giving a shit about the gross injustices perpetrated every day across this once-great (before mankind spoiled it) globe.

The rich have gotten richer, the rich will continue to get richer, evils are rewarded, and the businessmen and politicians may change but they will all stay the same. The day when naive voters are turned away from their polling places by ear-splitting, paralyzing sonic rays emitted from a Halliburton Soft-Kill Crowd-Control Cannon is nigh, folks. It is nigh.

So drink up, tune out, fuck around, and stop washing yourself so damn much.

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The Devil Is Just Too Clever

Re-posted from FoxNews.com, of all places:

7,500 Online Shoppers Unknowingly Sold Their Souls

A computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.

The retailer, British firm GameStation, added the "immortal soul clause" to the contract signed before making any online purchases earlier this month. It states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul.

"By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions."

GameStation's form also points out that "we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction."

The terms of service were updated on April Fool's Day as a gag, but the retailer did so to make a very real point: No one reads the online terms and conditions of shopping, and companies are free to insert whatever language they want into the documents.

While all shoppers during the test were given a simple tick box option to opt out, very few did this, which would have also rewarded them with a £5 voucher, according to news:lite. Due to the number of people who ticked the box, GameStation claims believes as many as 88 percent of people do not read the terms and conditions of a Web site before they make a purchase.

The company noted that it would not be enforcing the ownership rights, and planned to e-mail customers nullifying any claim on their soul.

Hahahahaha...except it's true, suckers! You will actually burn in hell for eternity! It's that easy!

I mean, we should all know by now that the Devil thrives on fine print--have you not seen that wonderfully informative documentary, Bedazzled?

My advice to those 7,500 saps is thus: fornicate with impunity, for your fate hath been sealed.

My advice to the rest of the world: ditto.

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The Religious Trap

If pedophilia happens, doesn't that mean that it was God's will, as people so often say when tragedy strikes, since he is omnipresent and omnipotent?

If that is the case, then isn't there nothing we can do about it, since judgment is His job and not that of a mere mortal?

Also, as long as the guilty pervert priests confess, aren't they absolved of their sins and granted entry into heaven?

It's enough to make your fucking brain explode trying to make sense of religion...


Dessert:

Evidently, I'm not the only one with some of these questions...

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Sometimes Atheists Make Me So Proud...

Two prominent British atheists--Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens--have huddled up with their lawyers and plan to make the case that The Fucking Pope should be arrested when he visits the UK.

For what? Crimes against humanity, for his part in the cover-up of Catholic Church Inc's heavenly history of sex-abuse.

Now, I am not naive enough to think this plan will actually work out the way it should, but I love the fact that we finally live in an age where somebody is trying--publicly--to shake the plebians out of their delusional slumber and slash a chunk of flesh off the arrogant church monster.

How great are these two dudes? Check this out:

Last month Dawkins wrote a scathing article for the Washington Post in which he called the pope:

A leering old villain in a frock, who spent decades conspiring behind closed doors for the position he now holds; a man who believes he is infallible and acts the part; a man whose preaching of scientific falsehood is responsible for the deaths of countless AIDS victims in Africa; a man whose first instinct when his priests are caught with their pants down is to cover up the scandal and damn the young victims to silence.

Hitchens told the Sunday Times of London: "This man is not above or outside the law. The institutionalized concealment of child rape is a crime under any law and demands not private ceremonies of repentance or church-funded payoffs, but justice and punishment."

"A leering old villain in frock." Huzzah!

And on a related note, check this out, also courtesy of HuffPo:

A prominent Old Testament scholar has resigned from a professorial position after he was recorded on video endorsing evolution.

Until several days ago, Bruce K. Waltke was a professor at Florida's Reformed Theological Seminary. But after the school found out about his video blog (the video has since been removed at Waltke's request) on the website of the BioLogos Foundation, which promotes harmony between science and theology, he lost his job.

According to several people who saw the video, Waltke said that Christianity's continued denial of evolution will "make [them] a cult."

Circle the wagons, religion, cuz the word is out--you're a cult!

It's no big surprise, I'm sure, but I take great satisfaction in the knowledge that at some point in the future, the religions of today will be as reviled as the pagans of yore. To each era of humanity their own, I guess.

Speaking of, I wonder what the future religions will be like...robots that smile beatifically as they grab you by the throat and squeeze until you swipe a credit card through a magnetized slit in their crotch?

Why not, right?

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What's So Creepy About Religion?

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it has something to do with the uniforms, conformity, mob mentality, indoctrination, intimidation, selfishness, certainty in the face of the unknown, and the overall intense creepiness.

(photos courtesy of The Guardian)

Happy Easter weekend, everybody!!! LOL!!


Dessert:



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Gamebreaker: The Pope is an Asshole

Not like this is a surprise to anybody with half a brain in this day and age--except people who cover their ears and babble incoherently whenever reality threatens their spiritual core, of course--but the Pope is complicit in the cover-up of years upon years of admitted sexual abuse in multiple countries.

Say wha?

Yeah. Check out the latest. And, while you're at it, check out the dirt in Germany.

What will it take for people to abandon the Catholic faith? Does the Pope himself have to molest their child as he holds them down with a solid-gold scepter coated in blood diamonds and makes them watch?

Would that work? Or would it just be one more of those 'mysterious ways' in which God works?

Organized religion makes me so sick. I gotta stop this right now...


Too late.

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21st Century Jesus

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Lifetime Bullshit Artist Has a Lot to Say About Bullshit, Suddenly

It being a Wednesday evening, as I lapped my customary spot of cream from my St. Nicholas saucer and caught up on my religious propaganda, I couldn't help but notice that the Vatican's chief exorcist has declared, in no uncertain terms, that the Devil is about--in the Vatican hallways, no less!

Frightened nearly to death, probably by the Devil himself, I quickly regained my wits and closed all my windows, bolted my front door, lit a few pumpkin-scented candles, crawled under my desk, and smoked a joint the size of your leg.

As my beautiful bloodshot eyes crossed back and forth, and the Lord protected me from within, I read these horrible words over and over, hoping with every fiber of my being that they were false:

Sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church are proof that that "the Devil is at work inside the Vatican", according to the Holy See's chief exorcist.

Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, who has been the Vatican's chief exorcist for 25 years and says he has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession, said that the consequences of satanic infiltration included power struggles at the Vatican as well as "cardinals who do not believe in Jesus, and bishops who are linked to the Demon".

He claimed that another example of satanic behaviour was the Vatican "cover-up" over the deaths in 1998 of Alois Estermann, the then commander of the Swiss Guard, his wife and Corporal Cedric Tornay, a Swiss Guard, who were all found shot dead. "They covered up everything immediately," he said. "Here one sees the rot".

Father Amorth told La Repubblica that the devil was "pure spirit, invisible. But he manifests himself with blasphemies and afflictions in the person he possesses. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, transform himself or appear to be agreeable. At times he makes fun of me."

He said it sometimes took six or seven of his assistants to to hold down a possessed person. Those possessed often yelled and screamed and spat out nails or pieces of glass, which he kept in a bag. "Anything can come out of their mouths – finger-length pieces of iron, but also rose petals."

(courtesy TimesOnline)

Oh, Mylanta! Well, if ole Gabe had a Ziploc bag full of rocks and glass and little pieces of metal, then it must be true that the Devil exists and spat them out of people's mouths behind closed doors.

Right? Why would a priest ever lie?

More to the point, however, is that this guy is still working for the Vatican, still working...for the Devil?


Gabey-baby seems to be so close to a fantastic epiphany here--so close!--yet seemingly fearful of that last delirious step toward heaven on Earth.

He must be a gambler playing the odds, figuring he will be dead shortly (he's 85 for Christ's fucking sake), hoping he was right all this time, that his life wasn't an utter catastrophe, that he'll be able to confidently tell St. Peter he wasn't part of this whole "Catholic clergy sinning like the Devil and loving it" thing that's been going on, like, forever, and that he even deplored it on the record (maybe he'll have a clipping stuffed under his tongue for proof? And a Snickers bar in his ass for St. Peter?). Maybe he'll still be able to get into heaven.

If he's wrong, well, he'll soon be worm-food either way, so who cares. Right?

I'm totally okay with that, I guess, as I firmly believe the pleasures of an 85 year-old Catholic priest are best left to the imagination.


My main concern, as a red-blooded, freedom-loving American, is how this news will affect the stock market. Oh, wait--despite the fact that billions of souls are at stake here, it won't affect it at all.

Do you know what that proves? Religion is irrelevant.

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Now THIS Is a Movement I Can Get Behind!

(photo courtesy Goodtime Charlie archives)

Students belonging to the group Atheist Agenda are offering porn in exchange for Bibles at the Student Center at the University of Texas-San Antonio, of all places. This has been going on since 2005, but I must have forgotten about it.

Did you, too? If so, more here.

Now, I don't have much use for porn, since my available sexual partners are so numerous they have splintered into factions, but if you ask me, that's a pretty fair trade. Hell, it might even get me to start collecting those stupid Bibles people plant in motel rooms, trying to scoop you up and drop you right into the gnashing teeth of the Lord when you're at your weakest, about to pay for porn in a depressing and filthy room somewhere...

Speaking of porn...again...still...it appears there was a study of pay-porn sites that shows red states are much bigger fans of the sinful stuff than their bluer counterparts. Surprised?

Also, in sexual news today, another Republican hatemonger was busted with a double whammy--getting a DUI while taking a man home from a gay club for sex. And let's keep in mind that link is from FoxNews...

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