The News Just Keeps Getting Worse

Courtesy Huffington Post:

There's a mysterious phenomenon in which some men, immediately after having an orgasm, come down with a flu-like illness. Now Dutch scientists are saying these men may be allergic to their own semen.

The condition is known as post-orgasmic illness sydrome, or POIS.


Waldinger also identified a treatment for POIS, known as hyposensitisation, which essentially desensitizes the recipient of the treatment. The men were given skin injections of their own semen -- first highly diluted and eventually increased -- and after one to three years symptoms were greatly reduced.

Symptoms of POIS include fever, runny nose, extreme fatigue and burning eyes. They come on straight after climax and can last up to a week, reported The Sun.

Considering Dutch researchers have already identified at least 45 men in Holland alone who have been diagnosed with POIS, that does not bode well globally if that percentage holds. Assuming (incorrectly, I know, but it's just easier) that 50% of the population is male, here is how it breaks down in some larger countries:

Holland - 16,642,000 people - 8,321,000 men - 45 unfortunate men

U.S. - 311,904,000 people - 155,952,000 men - 844 unfortunate men

India - 1,192,870,000 people - 596,435,000 men - 3226 unfortunate men

China - 1,341,800,00 people - 670,900,000 men - 3629 unfortunate men

So, in approximately 41.5% of the world's population, we are looking at a group of 7,744 men who are allergic to their own semen. Allergic to their own semen! Can you imagine going through life becoming miserably ill immediately after having an orgasm? Can you imagine how many men who are afflicted by this will never tell anybody about it?

I think we need to get these 7,744+ names on paper and cross-reference that list with lists of serial killers, murderous dictators, mental patients, heroin/opium addicts, and pathologically depressed men.

Something tells me there will be a strong correlation...

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United States v. Muslims: By the Numbers

(courtesy The Atlantic)

Just goes to show you that, despite our wealth and military muscle, we are but a moon orbiting the Muslim planet, and we should remember that as we spend trillions of dollars and end tens of thousands of lives chasing down the smallest enemy fighting force we have ever faced.

So take a step back, warmongers, hide your misspelled vitriol for a moment, and start taking up a collection to bribe your Congressional representatives to get us the hell out of Afghanistan, Michael Moore-style:

Let's dig a few thousand wells in Afghanistan, build a few free mosques, leave behind some food and clothing, fix their electrical grid, issue an apology and set up a Facebook page so they can stay in touch with us -- and then let's get the hell out. Your own National Security Advisor and your CIA Director have told you there are less than 100 al Qaeda fighters in the entire country. 100???                           (courtesy HuffPo)

As long as our unemployed serf brethren pony up more than Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, Halliburton, and Xe Services (nee Blackwater) combined, it should be easy enough to transform the United States into a slightly more sensible world power.

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Box Office Blues, By the Numbers

(courtesy Box Office Mojo)

In the era where studios deliberately put out target-marketed shit chock full of hot bods, special effects, and shallow characters, then expect to recoup at least 50% of their budget from curious/duped audiences on opening weekend, before word of mouth can get around, I am pleased to bring you the following news this week:

The A-Team has yet to make back half of its production budget in two weeks on over 3,500 screens. Add in marketing costs of $5 trillion and this bitch is in trouble.

Prince of Persia cost $200 million (plus marketing) and has only reaped $80 million so far--in four weeks on over 2,600 screens. Maybe a hog-wild Iranian box office will balance America's extreme disinterest?

Total Coincidence: By the Numbers

27 states went Republican in the 2008 Presidential Election, which means, ummmmm...ummmmm...23 went Democratic. [Well, 24 since we count D.C. below, although that does not make it a state, Republicans. -Ed.] Luckily for us--as well as everybody else--those states had more people in them.

And smarter people?

Check this shit out:

States with the lowest percentage of college-degree holders

Georgia           34.0%       Republican
Kentucky        32.2%       Republican
Mississippi      31.7%       Republican
Tennessee        31.3%       Republican
Texas               30.7%       Republican
Arizona            30.7%       Republican
Alaska              30.5%       Republican
Oklahoma        30.3%       Republican
New Mexico     28.5%       Democrat
Nevada             28.2%       Democrat
West Virginia   28.2%       Republican
Arkansas          25.9%       Republican

STOP--Statistics Time

GTC HQ, before the new paint job

We here at Goodtime Charlie HQ are proud to share with you, our loyal readers, the fact that we have reached a new milestone--this month there have been over 1500 unique visitors to the site, despite the fact that we never advertise.

We are also proud to say that we remain advertising-free, to the continuing detriment of our bottom line. Not only is it easier to look ourselves in the mirror this way, but we also can't imagine anyone who might want to advertise here, considering the dangerous content, from a boredom/PR standpoint, we say with puffed chests, as if we amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.


Regardless of all that mumbo-jumbo, here are some more fun audience statistics, courtesy of Dr. Goodtime:

- The most readers on a single day was 110 on 12/09/09

- Readers come from 76 countries, including one dangerous dude in Iran, who my sources tell me actually steals an internet connection using a sharpened toothbrush pointed SSE, down in his unmarked cell in the middle of the desert, down where we will never find him.

- Much like the red state/blue state map, oddly, most readers in the United States live in California, New York, and Illinois

- Not one person in West Virginia, Wyoming, South Dakota, or Delaware has checked in this month

- The most popular article this month is the Michael Jackson one, which has been viewed by 258 people.

- The most popular month was December, 2008, which, upon recent review, was a pretty awesome month.

- 65% of readers used Firefox as their browser (nerd alert!)

- The only phrases people have typed into Google that resulted in my blog being first on the list are:

- goodtime charlie nothing is sacred (duh-Ed.)
- "real dolls" "face fuck"
- joan rivers is so old
- how people want to escape the present
- 10 stages of romance
- private torture and rape clubs

Well, statistics class is over, students--thank you for reading and please remember to bring me shiny red apples stuffed with gold coins tomorrow morning or you'll all get caned and peed on.

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