I Think I Know Who Should Accidentally Die Next, Oh Just and Mighty Lord

Ladies and gentlemen of the void, I hereby encourage you to feast your eyes on the most smug little *%^&@$# I've seen in a looooong time and then thank everybody you meet for the rest of your life that you were not cursed with her as your mother/sister/daughter/wife/self. Unless you were. [Sorry--but we won't take anything back and you know we shouldn't. -Ed.]



Once again--thank you, Katie Couric, for bringing us the hard news, the news nobody else has the stones to get out there and have somebody else point a camera at while you pretend to give a shit off-screen.

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The Religious Trap

If pedophilia happens, doesn't that mean that it was God's will, as people so often say when tragedy strikes, since he is omnipresent and omnipotent?

If that is the case, then isn't there nothing we can do about it, since judgment is His job and not that of a mere mortal?

Also, as long as the guilty pervert priests confess, aren't they absolved of their sins and granted entry into heaven?

It's enough to make your fucking brain explode trying to make sense of religion...


Dessert:

Evidently, I'm not the only one with some of these questions...

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Now THIS Is a Movement I Can Get Behind!

(photo courtesy Goodtime Charlie archives)

Students belonging to the group Atheist Agenda are offering porn in exchange for Bibles at the Student Center at the University of Texas-San Antonio, of all places. This has been going on since 2005, but I must have forgotten about it.

Did you, too? If so, more here.

Now, I don't have much use for porn, since my available sexual partners are so numerous they have splintered into factions, but if you ask me, that's a pretty fair trade. Hell, it might even get me to start collecting those stupid Bibles people plant in motel rooms, trying to scoop you up and drop you right into the gnashing teeth of the Lord when you're at your weakest, about to pay for porn in a depressing and filthy room somewhere...

Speaking of porn...again...still...it appears there was a study of pay-porn sites that shows red states are much bigger fans of the sinful stuff than their bluer counterparts. Surprised?

Also, in sexual news today, another Republican hatemonger was busted with a double whammy--getting a DUI while taking a man home from a gay club for sex. And let's keep in mind that link is from FoxNews...

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Who Needs Evidence?

When you're preaching to the deluded choir, all ya gotta do is say something and it is true.

Don't believe me?

Well, try this on for size--the Pope and his posse have found the remains of St. Paul.

How does he know for sure? Easy:

"Vatican experts claim the tomb's position, underneath the epigraph Paulo Apostolo Mart (Paul the Apostle and Martyr), at the base of the main altar is proof that it belongs to the apostle.

The pope said the tomb had not been opened but that a probe inserted through a small hole had revealed traces of purple linen decorated with gold sequins, blue material and red incense grains as well as the remains. 'Small fragments of bone were carbon dated by experts who knew nothing about their provenance and results showed they were from someone who lived between the first and second century,' he said.

'This seems to confirm the unanimous and uncontested tradition that these are the mortal remains of Paul the apostle,' he said, adding that the discovery 'fills our souls with great emotion.'"

(courtesy of guardian.co.uk)

Pope Benedict, his soul filled with great emotion

Secretary--take a letter:


Dear Pope,

The reason this assertion is 'uncontested' is that nobody gives a shit except people who believe anything you say.

While we're on the subject, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me--in confidence, of course--that you never even bothered with the carbon-dating. I mean, why waste the hoarded wealth of centuries-worth of gullible poor people on something as trivial as inconclusive proof when you don't even need to bother proving it at all, right? Right?

Nice moves.

By the way--kudos to you, man. You really got it all figured out--only 82 years young and already head of the best racket in the racket business.

Burn In Hell,
God

ps--Love your new hat! LOL!


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