Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I'm Stupid -- The Nadya Suleman Story

Evidently the single mother with six kids who recently gave birth to octuplets is being deluged with book deals.

I don't find this terribly surprising, in light of the fact that anybody who is ever on the news for more than one night in this country is offered a lucrative book deal, since the only people who buy books anymore only do so if they recognize the author's face from Oprah or Fox News, but it does seem to set a new low in the world of literature.

What exactly would this completely worthless, deranged lunatic have to say to the ghostwriter hired by her recently-hired professional spokeswoman?
"So...I got a bunch of embryos put in my uterus and...then I had eight babies."
"Okay, well...I knew that... Is there anything else you'd like to say about your experience?"
"Well, what's it like having 14 kids under the age of seven?"
"Hard. Real hard."
"Do you have lots of diapers and formula and stuff?"
"Oh, yeah. Tons."
"You don't say...hmm..."
"Do I get my money now?"
"Well...I guess I can do the rest..."
Whoever does get that ghostwriting gig will have their work cut out for them--the veritable equivalent of asking a blind man to carve Mt. Rushmore with a spoon.

Is there even enough fluff in the infinite universe to fill this book out? Will they have to bring in Jimmy Carter as a consultant?

I wonder how many hundreds of thousands of copies of "I'm Stupid" will wind up at Half-Price Books, untouched. I wonder which fifteen people in the country will actually read the whole thing, how many of those who don't even finish it will still say they found it 'inspiring.' I wonder whether or not Oprah will bless the enterprise and make her a multi-millionaire overnight. I wonder how long it will be until the worthless film adaptation comes out on Lifetime or Oxygen.

I wonder how long it will be until all eight babies write their own mid-life memoirs.

The only photo yet released of the eight little miracles

Gag me with a dirty diaper! Sometimes this world we have created seems worse than a cauldron of flames raping my ass for eternity.


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