PEOPLE OF CALIFORNIA: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Despite the teeth, the occasional Kermit voice, the melodramatic coughs, amateur production values, and complete lack of evidence, please don't treat this warning lightly, Californians.

Please pray for the safety of all your loved ones and, since that never works, make sure to have your everything ready to go by the crack of September.

Oh, and eat your heart out, Katie Couric--something tells me Frankie is ahead of the curve on more than just baldness and he won't be at his own station for much longer...

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