Here are some quotes, sayings, one-liners, what-have-you that I read the other day on this peculiar website and liked. All those that you like without names attached were probably said by yours truly during a moment of drug-induced brilliance.
99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill
A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.
A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.
"A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic." - Joseph Stalin
A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
"Any fool can know. The point is to understand." - Albert Einstein
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Be naughty – save Santa the trip.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist invents the parachute." - George Bernard Shaw
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Pablo Picasso
Don’t argue with a fool. The spectators can’t tell the difference.
Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
"Everybody has a plan, 'til they get hit." - Mike Tyson
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If god is inside us, then I hope he likes fajitas, cause that’s what he’s getting.
If homosexuality is a disease, can I call into work ‘gay’?
If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction." - Blaise Pascal
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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