Monday, February 22, 2010

Japanese Cowboys

Japanese businessmen don't give a shit--they will continue to kill whales, bluefin tuna, dolphins, and themselves, whether or not it is legal.

It's what they do.

Perhaps a manageable solution--for those of us who like whales, dolphins, the Earth, and sushi--is to start killing Japanese fishermen and the men who work for the companies that employ them. This will not only help us out in our cause, but will also save them the trouble of killing themselves in three years when there are no more bluefin tuna left and they are ashamed because their companies goes bankrupt.

This could be done fairly easily, by cornering their boats--one at a time is best--in a discreet cove somewhere, hopping aboard, hacking them to pieces until the ocean turns red, and dumping their lifeless bodies overboard. They will understand this method and respect you as an adversary in the cutthroat world of marine survival.

Once everybody onboard has been dispatched, attach a tow rope to the boat, take it out to deeper waters, blow a hole in the bottom with explosives, and watch the evidence sink to the bottom of the ocean. Repeat.

Whoever gets mad at you should also be killed, since these are the people that own the boats, channels of distribution, etc.

Take solace in the fact that your efforts were not in vain--not only did you preserve the beautiful marine ecosystem for a while longer, but you fed millions of animals with the delicious decaying corpses of fishermen, by the time those nutrients work their way up the food chain.

Seems like a perfect solution, right?

Who's in? Australia? Greenpeace? Greater-Michigan Dolphin Fanclub?


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