Eureka!

I finally figured it out, what's been bothering me about Crazy Heart--it is nothing more than a trailer that was turned into a movie.

It has everything and nothing going for it at once. Think about it:

A whiskey-drunk country singer at the end of his rope (The Dude) meets a sexy young girl (Maggie Gyllenhaal), makes nice with his old friends (Robert Duvall, Colin Farrell), writes a hit song, fucks up, goes straight, and learns a lesson.

Boom. Great. Sign me up for a spoon-fed three-course meal. It doesn't matter to me that Maggie Gyllenhaal and Colin Farrell are atrocious in this movie, or that Robert Duvall is as useless as a bowtie on a turd--tie that motherfucker up with a white ribbon and throw it in a Big Brown Bag, cuz I'll give ya eight bucks for it, Mr. Producer, sir! I don't even care that this was a stupid story told by committee, manufactured to win Oscars despite itself!

Oh, we the sheep are so gullible, aren't we? Especially if the whole trailer is in slow motion, with a heartfelt song playing over it--and mentions an award-winning cast, too!


Funny thing the trailer neglects to mention is that the story is not only painfully trite, but also told by an amateur with no talent.

But that's not important right now.

Gotcha!

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