Friday, February 19, 2010

Almost Swimsuit Season!!!

As it is almost March, when I historically close-up shop Stateside and air-out my Mediterranean villa for the glorious summer season that keeps the ravages of time at bay.

Yes, the water is fairly cold in March, but I've always been a bit of a polar bear at heart (have you ever tried seal meat? It's at least fourteen times better than the cutest baby cow you've ever devoured) and besides, my doctor only advises I take the waters for ten minutes at a stretch, once every hour, to battle my rheumatism.

Anyway, I am in the process of shedding those pesky thirty pounds I pick up every winter from lounging fireside, draining casks of fine wine, feasting on the easily-overpowered animals roaming my vast estate--I recommend a crash diet of nothing but milk and honey and laxatives--and it is time once again to motivate myself by choosing the perfect bathing tunic.

What do you think of this little number? Is it too modest? Or is modesty 'in' this season, in light of all the poor people losing so much money the past few years?

Hmm, well, as long as they have it in size two and it costs at least $800, I'll buy a few of them and see what happens.

In the meantime, def forward any other ideas you might have, as I love to ridicule the suggestions of others.

Not at all yours,


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