Monday, February 15, 2010

And the Hot Trend in Fashion This Season Is...

Oddly (or is it?) coinciding with Oscar season, the month-long back-slapping circus that is Fashion Season has officially begun.

It is Fashion Week in New York City, people.

And your favorite Authority on Everything, Goodtime Charlie, has front-row seats in Bryant Park. Who will he love? Who will he hate? The world wants to know; the world will never get to know, unless it first has sex with me.

Before those pesky Winter Olympics copycats made it passe, MBFW/NYC claimed its first casualty just as the first black-rhino-skin stilettos were poised for the opening runway strut, beneath a malnourished-but-still-very-fuckable-come-on-let's-give-her-a-break waif.

Yes, edgy British wunderkind Alexander McQueen is dead at 40, found hanging from a rope in his multi-million-dollar London apartment, Simon & Garfunkel's Richard Cory on repeat:

Fear not--the show went on as scheduled, folks.

Trendy tragedy aside, I must report that one thing has been made abundantly clear at Fashion Week:
Expensive clothes are totally "in" this season.
This unexpected development sent shockwaves across the globe, surprising attentive clothes-wearers from the halls of the New York Athletic Club to the chateaux of Gstaad. Their concerns mingled with cigar smoke in the rafters of five-star bistros the world over:
"How will we know which of these items to choose?"
"What shoes do I wear with these gowns?"
"How on Earth does one stylishly pair these exquisite separates?"
Fear not, my fellow fashionistas--as always, I have the answer:
Meet Toni Ferrara, who is just one of many fashion stylists available to you for an initially-exorbitant-seeming-but-then-totally-reasonable-when-you-think-about-it fee. How reasonable, you ask?

Check it:
Thank God there are such selfless souls out there willing to affordably perform these essential services. Can you imagine how dreary the dock denizens of Dubrovnik would look otherwise? I hesitate to even contemplate that garish scene...

On the other hand, if you are so stinking rich that you don't even know what numbers mean or that poor people exist, then you qualify for the services of Yours Truly and should contact me immediately so we can begin draining one of your off-shore trusts post-haste.

Trust me--it's worth it.


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