I Think I Know Who Should Accidentally Die Next, Oh Just and Mighty Lord

Ladies and gentlemen of the void, I hereby encourage you to feast your eyes on the most smug little *%^&@$# I've seen in a looooong time and then thank everybody you meet for the rest of your life that you were not cursed with her as your mother/sister/daughter/wife/self. Unless you were. [Sorry--but we won't take anything back and you know we shouldn't. -Ed.]



Once again--thank you, Katie Couric, for bringing us the hard news, the news nobody else has the stones to get out there and have somebody else point a camera at while you pretend to give a shit off-screen.

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PEOPLE OF CALIFORNIA: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Despite the teeth, the occasional Kermit voice, the melodramatic coughs, amateur production values, and complete lack of evidence, please don't treat this warning lightly, Californians.

Please pray for the safety of all your loved ones and, since that never works, make sure to have your everything ready to go by the crack of September.

Oh, and eat your heart out, Katie Couric--something tells me Frankie is ahead of the curve on more than just baldness and he won't be at his own station for much longer...

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