Saturday, July 31, 2010

Time for a Re-Post

Ladies and gentlemen, it is nigh. And when I say 'it,' I mean THE WEDDING OF THE CENTURY.

For those of you living in Bumblefuck eating sandwiches made from the cheese between your toes, this wedding is between Chelsea Clinton and some guy who is not important right now and never will be.

Who is he? Who cares. All I know is that I am full of woe because he is not the guy who offered 40 goats and 20 cows for her hand.

Now, for those of you not familiar with the current woman-to-animal exchange rates, let me tell you this--those terms are very favorable, especially in this difficult economic climate. Ma and Pa Clinton would be wise to reconsider this generous offer on the eve of their daughter's wedding to some nameless loser, unless of course that guy's parents are providing an even more lucrative dowry.

But we all know they aren't. Instead, a portion of Bill's speaking gigs and book royalties are providing a $3 million wedding for some toothy girl who has done nothing to deserve such luxury. She was in college before her parents ever had that much money and now they are dropping it on her wedding.

WTF, America? This is why we will wind up killing each other during the apocalypse.

Well, whatever--the important thing is that nobody on the East Coast can fly or drive for an entire weekend and some fourth-cousin will make millions of dollars selling poorly-composed photographs to the tabloids on Monday.


And now, for completists, a trip down memory lane.


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