Bow Your Head in Shame as Dubai Unveils Highest Swimming Pool in the World

The Burj Khalifa under construction

It is on the 76th floor of the new Burj Khalifa skyscraper, in the Arab Emirate of Dubai, which was unveiled today in an elaborate ceremony that was probably necessary considering the $1.5 billion price tag of the 2,717'-tall building in the middle of a vast desert.

By comparison, the Sears Tower in Chicago is only 1,450 feet tall. Imagine a building almost twice that size and you are beginning to get the picture. There are 160 habitable floors.

The question on many people's lips is...why? There is hardly a shortage of land in Dubai, and therefore no sensible reason to build UP instead of OUT, unless you're trying to impress someone with your brazen lack of common and financial sense, as it would be far cheaper and safer to build horizontally.

Considering the fact that the building is state-owned and the government had to beg its wealthier neighbor, Abu Dhabi, for a $25 billion bailout to finish the project and run its government, color me doubly unimpressed with the end result of the massive human effort that went into this building's construction.

My response to the news that owners of the units in the building have already seen their investments plummet by 50% before they could even move-in is a self-satisfied smile, followed by a biting monologue:

You wanted to brag to some other rich assholes that you bought an entire floor of the tallest building on Earth for $20 million? Fuck you--now one of those rich assholes can buy it from you for $10 million, fill it with $10 million in gold coins, and swim around in them like Scrooge McDuck while giving you the finger on a streaming webcam. And you deserve it.

The world's highest bar is on the 155th floor. The highest mosque in the world may or may not have already been built on the 158th floor (depending on what website you're reading). The building has the fastest elevators in the world.

Does anyone outside of Texas really give a shit about all this pointless dick-measuring?

I guess East Texas (aka Saudi Arabia) does. Supposedly, plans are already in the works to build a taller building there.

The man behind the mile-high tower in Saudi Arabia, Prince al-Walid bin Talal
Doesn't he just look like a selfish, pro-oil, evil mastermind
bent on creating the world's highest brothel, naming it the Mile-High Club,
and hanging out there after a long day of practicing evil faces in the mirror?

When and where will this obsession end? When we finally build a building that reaches all the way to the moon and swivels/stretches as the moon follows its orbit? Does China already have this beauty in the works, or will we see a few more incremental stages between now and that triumphant day? Can we not instead focus our efforts and resources on providing single-story housing for the working poor and affordable alternative-energy for the masses?

Believe it or not, there is way more money in it, fellas...

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