Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"And the award for stupidest person of the minute goes to..."

Brett Ratner, well-known Stupid Person but NOT this minute's winner

I know the idiots are legion, but this dude Darnell edged them out by a Karl-Malden nose:
A pet Burmese python measuring more than 8 feet long broke out of a terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl in her bedroom Wednesday at a central Florida home, authorities said. Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived at about 10 a.m., Lt. Bobby Caruthers of the Sumter County Sheriff's Office said.

Charles Jason Darnell, the snake's owner and the boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, discovered the snake missing from its terrarium and went to the girl's room, where he found it on the girl and bite marks on her head, Caruthers said. Darnell, 32, stabbed the snake until he was able to pry the child away.

"The baby's dead!" a sobbing caller from the house screamed to a 911 dispatcher in a recording. "Our stupid snake got out in the middle of the night and strangled the baby."

Authorities did not identify the caller and removed the person's name from the recording.

"She got out of the cage last night and got into the baby's crib and strangled her to death," the caller said.

(courtesy AP)

No shit, Darnell. What would you do if you were a fucking 8-ft-long hungry-ass snake cramped up in a cage all day every day, getting contact highs from you and your dropout buddies?

You'd bust outta that shit and get yourself some fresh eats! Baby eats! (they're easier to kill)

Or maybe a sheep:

This is my favorite part of the story, though:

Darnell did not have a permit for the snake, which would be a second-degree misdemeanor, said Joy Hill, a spokeswoman with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. He has not been charged, but Caruthers said investigators were looking into whether there was child neglect or if any other laws were broken.

Hill said the snake will be placed with someone who has a permit, pending an investigation into the girl's death.

(courtesy AP)

A second-degree misdemeanor? Debating whether or not any laws were broken? A foster-parent for the killer snake?

Am I living in the fucking Twilight Zone???

Darnell and his girl belong in jail for having an 8-ft (going on 26ft) Burmese python in the same home as a child--the existence of a snake permit is a non-issue.

This is a breed of snake that EATS CROCODILES!!!! How is it sane to have one around?

Rather than placed in a foster home, the snake should be shot in the face and fed to crocodiles because, let's be honest, even if this snake hadn't killed a baby, snakes are just the worst.


1 comment:

LiteralDan said...

I had to stop to comment just because "Snakes are just the WORST" was so unexpectedly hilarious. Nicely done.