Friday, March 26, 2010

What Does Bristol Palin Spend $1750/Month On?

So, let me get this straight:

Bristol Palin knowingly violates the moral code of her church and state by drinking underage and having pre-marital sex, gets pregnant, has the baby mostly so that her mom can't be held politically responsible for presiding over an abortion, won't let the father be a part of their life, and is then rewarded by the courts with $1750 every month out of his pocket, as she cavorts around the country with her millionaire-celebrity mom, making six figures as a spokeswoman and actress?

I'm hardly a fan of Levi Johnston, since I could give a shit what that guy is up to, but it seems ridiculous that he needs to pay her any money, much less a sum that princely. She shut him out of her life! She lives with her parents! She doesn't even need to pay rent! She's on her mom's health-care plan!

Also, keep in mind that she lives in Alaska, where the cost of living is hardly at Manhattan levels and every resident receives money from the state ($1000-4000/year) in exchange for allowing oil companies to mercilessly rape the pristine wilderness.

Wouldn't $500/month for food, diapers, and booze be enough?

Which begs the question: What does Bristol Palin spend all that money on, since we know she is not smart enough to save any of it for the future?

Here are a few educated guesses:
1. Daily mani/pedis at the most expensive salon in town, so she can catch up on all the latest gossip and look like at least $100

2. Discreet male escorts to meet her increasingly-depraved sexual needs, but only once a week (date night!!), since that asshole Levi has her on such a strict budget

3. Lobster pudding by the case, since her baby deserves to be spoiled

4. Rose petals, ball-gags, and travel expenses for her two enslaved high-school nemeses, in order for them to be able to spread flowers in her path wherever she may go

5. Installment payments on a boob job, to improve her chances for a post-whatever-this-is acting career
I mean, whatever, right? Why not? Are you saying you know how to live her life better than she does? What would YOU spend it on? Socialism? Death panels? Killing adorable babies?

You make me sick...



Chris said...

Right on ;p.

I like the part that underscores how the corporations and Alaskan government have made the shrewd and popular decision to just pay-off the citizens directly. Maybe that's the model for fossil fuel companies nationally when it comes time to shift government subsidies. It might buy them a decade or so of indifference.

Chris said...

And don't forget that she's a paid spokesperson for an abstinence promoting group. That whole family is pretty hilarious, honestly.

Goodtime Charlie said...

Yeah--the Palins are so devoted to their causes that they only speak when paid to do so and flaunt their projected ideals at every opportunity.

It is so perfect that Sarah Palin is PAID so much money to speak at the Tea Party/Conservative events. You would think she would appreciate the national platform for her cause/career, but evidently that isn't enough--she wants to milk it for all its worth, just like all the conservatives who want to milk the middle class for all THEY are worth.

She is, whether you like it or not, the true figurehead of the conservative movement--a mercenary paid to propagate its ideals while doing whatever the fuck she wants in private.

Which reminds me--you know McCain had to have paid her to show him some support in Arizona way she would have done it otherwise...