Monday, January 26, 2009

Are You An Artist?

If you have had sex with 4 or more partners, then the answer is yes.

The craziest thing about this Guardian article (well, sanctioned blog entry) is not the outlandish assertions of the article itself, but the unbelievably numerous and varied user comments posted along with it. The article is about one page in length; the comments will last easily an entire lunch break.

I have never seen this many comments posted on anything; nor have I ever seen comments reveal a more fascinating cross-section of a nation/commonwealth.

Here are my favorites, with comments. Enjoy!

"I'm an artist , and have been in a monogomous(more or less) [sic] relationship for twenty years. Before that I had more than a hundred sexual partners, however. Just thought you'd like to know."

Posted by andrew birch on November 30, 2005 2:03 PM.
"More or less?" What does that mean, birch? 'Monogamous' is a pretty specific term...and how old are you, by the way? Regardless of your answer, well done!

"Morrissey is no contradiction. Any miserabilist who makes his name singing endlessly about the alienation and misanthropy of bedsit narcissism to the same tune shouldn't be having any sex and shouldn't be called 'creative'."

Posted by scrittipolitti on November 30, 2005 5:26 PM.
Wow. 'Miserabilist?' That's a great new word; but 'bedsit narcissism' is a phrase that blows it right out of the water. Were it socially acceptable, I would marry that phrase.

"I'm sure lawyers have more sex. They f*** everyone."

Posted by roy fox on November 30, 2005 5:58 PM.
The easy joke--but that doesn't mean it isn't also funny. Well done, roy fox! You somehow managed to overcome your tragic council-bedsit narcissism and drop the right joke at just the right moment. You can now begin the brief, steep, downhill portion of your life...Cheers!

"What do you do with a creative man who is incapable of kissing and sort of bites instead and who is a very selfish lover? Can we say that he is expressing his art through his love-making? I think I should get rid of him anyway. I'm stuck in a poor Middle-Eastern suburb and if I get too horny and search out a mate, I might be arrested. And they greatly mistrust creative types here..."

Posted by Khalas on November 30, 2005 7:52 PM.
Dear Khalas,

It appears as though you have the misfortune of dating a standard British male--or somebody trained by one. I recommend you immediately fake your own death and emerge in the Western world, friendless but free to embrace your horny-ass self. Trust me, it'll be worth it; there is nothing in the world worse than caged heat.

"I have no knowledge of his endeavours in the bedroom, but Joseph Beuys (along with Mr C, one of the most influential Shamen [sic] of the last century) maintained that all men are artists. I tend to agree with him on that one, even if his work tends towards bogosity. Which means of course this study should be filed alongside other bits of Bad Science; as well as reminding us that being creative, like having sex, is really nothing special."

Posted by Splinno on November 30, 2005 9:35 PM.

First off, for all you non-Bill-&-Teds out there, courtesy of

/boh-go's*-tee/ The degree to which something is "bogus" in the hackish sense of "bad". At CMU, bogosity is measured with a bogometer; in a seminar, when a speaker says something bogus, a listener might raise his hand and say "My bogometer just triggered". More extremely, "You just pinned my bogometer" means you just said or did something so outrageously bogus that it is off the scale, pinning the bogometer needle at the highest possible reading (one might also say "You just redlined my bogometer"). The agreed-upon unit of bogosity is the microLenat.
Also, the potential field generated by a bogon flux; see quantum bogodynamics. See also bogon flux, bogon filter.
(2002-04-14) The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing, © 1993-2007 Denis Howe

Wait? What were we talking about? Oh, yeah--wait--you agree with him, but also think it is 'bad science?' Wait--sex 'is really nothing special?' You are a detriment to the species, dear Splinno; please mutilate your own genitals before God strikes you dead.

"Im an 'artist' and have yet to embrace this so called 'sex' craze,

because i'm not a licentious fool.
This ideology is the residual effect of my christian upbringing....

Only joking.
Im 16...My age group epitamizes promiscuity.

Again, this is a lie...I'm an anomaly to the rule that at 16, an influx of salacious behaviour occurs.
Im fat, you see. and a pretentious little twat.

Posted by Liam Lonergan on November 30, 2005 10:29 PM.
Who said honesty was dead? As clearly as they avoid apostrophes like the plague, fat and pretentious British 16-year-old males simply do NOT have sex. If you want to argue with that, please meet me in the middle of the English Channel for a preliminary dance-off.

"I have a very long personal experiencie of live in the world of the mind out of the normal experiencie of life. i have been a ill person blackboard in myself.NOW is very different,the life smiles me,I have avery good work,a long number of friends,love for myself and the mines,my husband,my brothers... But my personal history can be helpful for another persons that sufer my last problem."

Posted by quim on December 1, 2005 4:21 AM.

Please down another pint before speaking to me, good Quim--I am having trouble understanding your fancy new Oxbridge speech.

"tonight, there's an opening in's fairly unimportant....I'm goig to fuck everyone there and pass my mad genes on to the richest of those that I fuck and maybe, just maybe they'll buy damn painting."

Posted by schizoid on December 1, 2005 11:58 AM.
Schizoid, please--not again. The last time you tried to sell 'damn painting,' we ended up with an entire globe full of idiots who put everyone's money in derivatives and destroyed your life...wait--is this just a cycle? Are you the devil? God?

"Clearly either artists are not promiscuous or they are not promiscuous enough. As a non-artist I am having a hard time meeting my urge to be promiscuous without paying a lot of money. Now perhaps I should become an artist - since it seems then I could be promiscuous on the cheap. On the other hand I could aim to get rich so I can afford to be promiscuous. I have aimed at the second route since it seems to have the lower risk vs. return ratio"

Posted by Randy Newman on December 1, 2005 2:15 PM.

Randy Newman? Is that you? Now it all makes sense--you are forgiven your sins, my brother.

"I don't know that getting a lot (or too much?!) destroys one's soul. I fear that this is the consolation of the prudish, the shy or the sexually enchained.
I think hot boffing and true love can quite happily be kept in separate compartments.
In my case, Dr Jekyll leads an exemplary monogonous [sic] existence, while Mr Hyde regularly goes out and "paints faces and sheets", as someone here so smartly and tartly put it."

Posted by CheererUpper on December 1, 2005 2:29 PM.
Finally, a voice of wisdom among the riff-raff. I guess the two sides of the coin will simply never understand the other. 'Hot boffing,' indeed, Mr. Hyde!

The final word:

"Artistic types make better lovers than non-artistic types. And researchers are only just 'discovering' this? Well duh, folks. Throughout the ages, history's great lovers, the Don Juans and the Casanovas, have all been poets or painters or musicians. No one ever talks about what a great lover King Henry the 8th was, whereas women still go ga-ga over Byron. This isn't new or surprising; it's common sense. The balding troll in office isn't sensitive and attuned to the delicaties of love; the love-sick poet, composing his sonnets, is. The business minded has a cold and clammy touch, the creative mind is sensitive and caressing. It's like asking a woman to choose between Donald Trump and Syd Barrett, 'You're FIRED!' or 'You're a lilac desire.'"

Posted by Sara on December 15, 2005 3:59 AM.

As any douchebag worth his salt might say--- 'nuff said.
The Syd Barretts always win.

Eat your hearts out, squares!


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