Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Problem with Republicans

Birthers, bankers, and ignorant health-care Hessians aside, the Republicans have a serious problem.

As many of you may have already heard, yesterday, Hillary Clinton compared Nigeria's corrupt elections with those of the United States in 2000. A bold move--and certainly an unexpected one--but not a claim wholly without merit.

The response back home:
"The Republicans eagerly jumped on [Clinton's] remarks last night, saying her trip had been full of gaffes and expressed hope she would go to Africa more often."
During the eight long years George Bush was in power, his countless blunders and general stupidity left intelligent Americans shaking their heads, embarrassed by the actions of the ranking representative of our nation.

Don't believe we had a good reason to feel that way? For your consideration:

We knew we were stuck with a man we loathed, but it was salt in the wound every time he spoke in public. Our desire? To prevent him from ever going abroad; to prevent him from ever giving a speech. Silence was the only chance we had to assuage our embarrassment.

Now that, in their eyes, the tables are turned, what do the Republicans want? They want more.

Which brings us to the root of the problem:

Republicans seem only to view things politically, always searching for ammunition in an interminable war against their sworn enemies--their fellow legislators who favor informed discussion and governing over squabbling and graft.

They never react as humans, as Americans, as government officials; instead, they are Election Terminators programmed only to see RED in 2010 & 12. They hear Hillary Clinton said something that could be used against her and before they even stop to consider whether it is valid, they put on their best suit, take the Blackstone chopper to Fox studios, and put in campaign pit stop #5,004,337 in a career that consists of nothing but campaigning--for a position whose duties they never even attempt to fulfill.

The current Republican wet dream:
President Obama calls an emergency state meeting with the heads of Russia, wherein he throws his own feces at Dictator Putin and shouts for all to hear: "If you don't believe that our army is faggier and more communist than yours, then I challenge you to a war on two fronts--in the winter!" Obama immediately storms out into Red Square and is devoured on-camera by starving Russian peasants clothed in naught but layers of tattered Obama bumper stickers.
Sad but true. And you wonder why things are the way they are these days...


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