Saturday, June 20, 2009

Happy Birthday, Death

The fact that John Goodman's jowls have officially swallowed his face at the age of 57 is fascinating but irrelevant, as is his ghostly pallor.
Question: How has a man who clearly believes in limitless indulgence cheated death by coronary thrombosis/diabetes/stomach explosion/gout for this long?

Answer: He has embraced the dark side. He will live forever, growing increasingly more grotesque--yet mirthful--with each passing day. He is unstoppable. He might eat you just for fun and present his children with a clever brain-stimulating puzzle made from your mangled bones.
If you are curious as to what he will look like on his 60th, look no further than this image I recently obtained from the future:

Perhaps George Lucas can somehow seize this fertile opportunity to make another billion dollars for no good reason? Reinvigorate the flaccid franchise while saving millions on special effects?

If he and Spielberg are done ruining the Indiana Jones series, that is...



sonny said...

sold his soul like robert johnson (, i wonder how many people in history have doe that?

Goodtime Charlie said...


let's see if we can start a list...

1. Strom Thurmond
2. Ted Stevens
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Dick Cheney
5. Newt Gingrich
6. Sumner Redstone
7. Rupert Murdoch
8. Richard Branson
9. Donald Trump
10. Kim Jong Il
10. Muammar Gaddafi
12. Ayatollah Khamenei
13. Ronald Reagan
14. Margaret Thatcher
15. Rudy Giuliani
16. George Bush, Sr.

In light of the alleged soul-selling, it is interesting to note that TWO of these people have died.

Was it perhaps an accounting error on behalf of the devil, who is rather busy these days, as usual?

All the rest are still alive, still perpetrating evil in the world, growing uglier and more deformed with each passing day...

Care to add any?