Come on, Illinois...

Can you get your act together for one damn minute?

If it ain't the last TWO governors being indicted, it's Mayor Daley spending the city into near-bankruptcy in a failed bid for the Olympics nobody but his cronies wanted, or finding the body of the Chicago Board of Education floating in the river.

Can't Illinois political figures just lay low and do their dirty work on the sly, like everybody in government everywhere else in the country/world? Why do they seem to think they are impervious to punishment when lately everybody either gets busted by the only honest man in government, Patrick Fitzgerald, or winds up the victim of a "suicide?"


I have no doubt this guy was a corrupt asshole--he stood to make a lot of money from the Olympics on a property development deal, he was friends with Jesse Jackson for 30 years, and he was embroiled in some sort of scheme involving admission to the (very few) elite Chicago Public Schools--and I have no doubt he deserved what he got.

What did he get, you ask? The modern version of cement shoes. A couple thugs drove his car over to the river, put a bullet in his head, threw the gun in the river, and hopped into an idling car down the block--all as their boss watched through a telescope from the penthouse of Trump's new skyscraper. End of story.

If he was going to kill himself, do you really think that is how he would do it? Do you really think this is when he would choose to do it?

Basically, if you ever watched The Wire--and you should, if you haven't and you want to see exactly why and how we are in a never-ending political shit cycle-- this Michael Scott asshole is a bonafide Clay Davis sorta fella. And Clay Davis finally got his. Good job, Lester!

_

Everybody Wants to Be a Soprano

I didn't think $10,000 could buy that much these days, but I guess I was wrong.

Troopergate et al in Wasila, Blagojevich gets caught selling a Senate seat, Sanford is busted hypocritically lying about an affair, California goes bankrupt trying to please every special interest around, now it's New Jersey's turn for a black eye.

The surprising thing is not that several mayors and state officials were guilty of rampant corruption--I'm no babe in the suburbs here--and not even that they had the rare luck to get caught and indicted for it, but rather that we are talking about such paltry sums.

Ten grand? I know those piles start to add up (I hear), but still...bold. And stupid. Congratulations, assholes!


My two favorite parts of the story:

Levy-Izhak Rosenbaum of Brooklyn, was accused of enticing vulnerable people to give up a kidney for $10,000 and then selling the organ for $160,000.

Is 'ten grand' some kind of religious hocus pocus that gets people to do anything a rabbi wants him to? Who the hell would sell a kidney for $10,000? How often did this work? Why am I not in this line of work?

Also:

The timing of the investigation dovetails with the timing of bank fraud charges against Solomon Dwek, son of the founders of the Deal Yeshiva, a religious school that teaches children in the Sephardic Jewish tradition. Mr. Dwek passed a $25 million bad check at a PNC Bank branch in 2006, according to The Asbury Park Press.

What? Who the hell tries to pass off a bad check for TWENTY-FIVE MILLION dollars? How does one find the courage to attempt such a daring feat?

"No, don't worry about it--it's reverse psychology, man--it's SO much money that they will be LESS suspicious than if it's just for some little skidmark like $10,000. Cuz, like, who would ever have the balls for such a thing? Right? Trust me."
"Well, okay--but we should definitely have the rabbi take it in, just to be safe, so we can have religion on our side..."
"Oh, of course--I was thinking the same thing."

The next day, at a PNC Bank in the ghetto...

"Alright, I just need to call in to check on this and then we'll be all set."
"Oh, you don't need to call it in--it's real."
"We're talking about $25 million here--I need to check with the account holder."
"Come on, you can trust me--I'm a rabbi!"
"I don't trust anybody--I'm a banker. Excuse me."

Ha, ha, ha--what an idiot, right? It's good to laugh.


And it's okay, too, because--as the article notes three times--the Jews involved were not the average, everyday Jews you know and love, the kind that only go to temple for high holidays and often remind you of the Holocaust neither of you were around for, but never of the fact that their unnecessary (and not universally beloved) land theft to create Israel is one of the main reasons the United States/Nations is involved in an endless war on terrorism; the kind that it is NOT okay to have a laugh at, ever, in light of their eternal suffering, yadda yadda.

These were Syrian Jews, so, you know, they might as well be straight-up towelheads, right? Where is Syria on a map, right? No big surprise to John Q. Public that they are a corrupt and devious fringe branch of the Jewish faith--the shock is the absence of a sensational, Rove/Cheney/Murdoch-planted mention of a potential link to Al-Qaeda in the article.


In other news, a Catholic priest just confessed to raping 1000 little boys over the last 40 years and repeatedly lying about it in court. He was sentenced to ten Hail Marys and transferred to a different parish to end his days in peace and pleasure.

Thank God for confession, right? Heaven will be so sweet...

_

For the Love

Is there anybody in the Pennsylvania legal system that is not a raging asshole criminal?

Between this bullshit and Blagojevich, Madoff, Robert Allen Stanford, AIG, Citibank, Alex Rodriguez, and the men of Wall Street, I just don't know how much more soul-destroying news I can take this year.

And it's only February.

Ready the coffin, my good man!

_

Come on, Feel the Illinois!

It's not like other states (or the Feds) are that much cleaner, but it's hard not to agree with U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald when he says the actions of notoriously corrupt--and finally busted--current Governor Rod "The Hair" Blagojevich have "taken us to a truly new low."

With Obama's ascendance to the Presidency nigh, it is easy to forget that Illinois politics are not that far removed from the Al Capone or Richard J. Daley days. Let's recap:

1. The current mayor of the city of Chicago is Richard J. Daley's son, Richard M. Daley. He has kept Chicago extremely clean, helped preserve historic buildings, planted many trees, etc...but has also helped steer most of the city funds into the pockets of his friends, among other nefarious things.

2. Our last governor, George Ryan, is currently in an executive prison camp, serving a 6.5-year sentence for his 2006 conviction on racketeering and fraud.


The funny thing is that this is simply how politics works. The reason you don't hear more about it is that most politicians are smart enough to leave it at a nod and a wink, or meet in random delis or highway rest stops if they need to lay down specifics. Most of them do not get caught. Most of them don't have Patrick Fitzgerald chasing after them.

And so, while every governor/senator/mayor/alderman/etc frantically searches their offices and homes for bugs, the public rejoices in the fact that the lone bad apple has been removed from the bunch.

NOW the halcyon days of universal, transparent honesty can finally begin!

(A link to the full article in the New York Times)