New Guinness Record for Douching!

Just when you thought shit was dire, what with another corrupt financial executive hanging himself the other day, a pair of plucky Pennsylvanians just went out there and gave us all a reason to smile til we die.

217,000 reasons, actually--217,000 discreet text messages that said "LOL"

What the hell is the point of that? This is something to which they aspired? Something for which they 'worked' tirelessly?

Perhaps those two gaybirds should receive a Guinness-accredited record for "most effective broadcasting of worthlessness" instead.

Bonus: How badly do you think the married one's wife regrets that decision these days?

Hint: Even more than before

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At Least He's Clever

Not that I condone drunk driving, or idiocy, or mental illness, or most people who live in Pennsylvania or the United States or the planet Earth...but at least this guy had a plan.

I wonder how long he had that 'paperwork' in his glovebox, getting blind drunk at the Indian Casino every night and driving all the way home on the wrong side of the road, just begging for a chance to use it.

Something tells me it's been decades. Good job, Pennsylvania troopers! You got one!

Too bad his lawyer is so crafty he's sure to walk...

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For the Love

Is there anybody in the Pennsylvania legal system that is not a raging asshole criminal?

Between this bullshit and Blagojevich, Madoff, Robert Allen Stanford, AIG, Citibank, Alex Rodriguez, and the men of Wall Street, I just don't know how much more soul-destroying news I can take this year.

And it's only February.

Ready the coffin, my good man!

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