The Amish Need to Get Real

Easily the most vain Amish people in the entire world

Amish communities in Illinois (which apparently exist) are upset over a law that will soon take effect in the state that will require photos on all firearm-owner identification cards.

Can you imagine being upset over that? It seems like a reasonable requirement (we require a photo to verify you are the correct person driving a car but not buying a gun?) and I'm surprised it wasn't already in place, so...what exactly is the problem?

Well, it seems the Amish--much like Australian Aborigines living off the land in the middle of nowhere, as they have for thousands of years--aren't big fans of photography. While it does not appear they are afraid it will capture their souls (that sounds so stupid, right?) they ARE afraid of what embracing this newfangled technology will mean:

The Amish are also known for being uncomfortable with photography, especially posed photography, which they believe leads to idolatrous vanity, according to AmishNews.com.

(courtesy HuffPo)

If the Amish don't figure something out quickly they might be royally screwed because apparently a lot of them "hunt and they usually use squirrel or rabbit rifles to bring some food back home" as well as "to disperse varmints," according to the Mattoon Journal-Gazette and the Amish America blog.

So let me get this straight--the Amish have a blog, their own news website, and apparently unfettered internet access, but believe photographs of themselves will end the world as they know it? Is a blog not the height of vanity? [Don't answer that. We can't handle it. -Ed.]

Get real, Amish--you've been kicking around for a long time and seem to be doing pretty okay (somehow), but as H.G. Wells once said, "adapt or perish." Either join the real world already or slowly turn your evaporating culture into little more than a quaint museum exhibit fourth-grade schoolchildren draw penises on with Sharpies during interminable field trips.

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Come on, Illinois...

Can you get your act together for one damn minute?

If it ain't the last TWO governors being indicted, it's Mayor Daley spending the city into near-bankruptcy in a failed bid for the Olympics nobody but his cronies wanted, or finding the body of the Chicago Board of Education floating in the river.

Can't Illinois political figures just lay low and do their dirty work on the sly, like everybody in government everywhere else in the country/world? Why do they seem to think they are impervious to punishment when lately everybody either gets busted by the only honest man in government, Patrick Fitzgerald, or winds up the victim of a "suicide?"


I have no doubt this guy was a corrupt asshole--he stood to make a lot of money from the Olympics on a property development deal, he was friends with Jesse Jackson for 30 years, and he was embroiled in some sort of scheme involving admission to the (very few) elite Chicago Public Schools--and I have no doubt he deserved what he got.

What did he get, you ask? The modern version of cement shoes. A couple thugs drove his car over to the river, put a bullet in his head, threw the gun in the river, and hopped into an idling car down the block--all as their boss watched through a telescope from the penthouse of Trump's new skyscraper. End of story.

If he was going to kill himself, do you really think that is how he would do it? Do you really think this is when he would choose to do it?

Basically, if you ever watched The Wire--and you should, if you haven't and you want to see exactly why and how we are in a never-ending political shit cycle-- this Michael Scott asshole is a bonafide Clay Davis sorta fella. And Clay Davis finally got his. Good job, Lester!

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Poor Tony Krause Lives Another Day

How do you know you've led a sheltered life?

You say something like this:

"I guess I'm really just not used to people with tears in their eyes."

I would hardly call Arlington Heights "a well-to-do suburb of Chicago," but aside from that, this article is pretty spot-on, highlighting a problem that has always been there and grown exponentially of late--libraries being overtaken by homeless people who enjoy unfettered bathroom use, relief from cold and rain, and free internet-porn viewing booths.

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Come on, Feel the Illinois!

It's not like other states (or the Feds) are that much cleaner, but it's hard not to agree with U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald when he says the actions of notoriously corrupt--and finally busted--current Governor Rod "The Hair" Blagojevich have "taken us to a truly new low."

With Obama's ascendance to the Presidency nigh, it is easy to forget that Illinois politics are not that far removed from the Al Capone or Richard J. Daley days. Let's recap:

1. The current mayor of the city of Chicago is Richard J. Daley's son, Richard M. Daley. He has kept Chicago extremely clean, helped preserve historic buildings, planted many trees, etc...but has also helped steer most of the city funds into the pockets of his friends, among other nefarious things.

2. Our last governor, George Ryan, is currently in an executive prison camp, serving a 6.5-year sentence for his 2006 conviction on racketeering and fraud.


The funny thing is that this is simply how politics works. The reason you don't hear more about it is that most politicians are smart enough to leave it at a nod and a wink, or meet in random delis or highway rest stops if they need to lay down specifics. Most of them do not get caught. Most of them don't have Patrick Fitzgerald chasing after them.

And so, while every governor/senator/mayor/alderman/etc frantically searches their offices and homes for bugs, the public rejoices in the fact that the lone bad apple has been removed from the bunch.

NOW the halcyon days of universal, transparent honesty can finally begin!

(A link to the full article in the New York Times)