Friday, April 23, 2010

Sex-starved Executive Cocksmen

SEC Headquarters, Washington

This just in:
WASHINGTON — Senior staffers at the Securities and Exchange Commission spent hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers while they were being paid to police the financial system, an agency watchdog says.

The memo was first reported Thursday evening by ABC News. It summarizes past inspector general probes and reports some shocking findings:

_ A senior attorney at the SEC's Washington headquarters spent up to eight hours a day looking at and downloading pornography. When he ran out of hard drive space, he burned the files to CDs or DVDs, which he kept in boxes around his office. He agreed to resign, an earlier watchdog report said.

_ An accountant was blocked more than 16,000 times in a month from visiting websites classified as "Sex" or "Pornography." Yet he still managed to amass a collection of "very graphic" material on his hard drive by using Google images to bypass the SEC's internal filter, according to an earlier report from the inspector general. The accountant refused to testify in his defense, and received a 14-day suspension.

_ Seventeen of the employees were "at a senior level," earning salaries of up to $222,418.

_ The number of cases jumped from two in 2007 to 16 in 2008. The cracks in the financial system emerged in mid-2007 and spread into full-blown panic by the fall of 2008.

(courtesy Associated Press)

Employees at many large corporations are not able to log into Facebook or browse websites with foul language on them, but employees at the SEC have no problem getting away with surfing porn sites for eight hours a day?

Setting aside that grossly imbalanced situation, who looks at porn for eight hours a day? Who can even tolerate that kind of torture/self-abuse?

Or maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way, and this is all some kind of tragic side-effect of taxpayer-funded, mandatory Viagra prescriptions for government employees with decreasing libido? I suppose it's possible...

Have you ever seen so much porn?

The real question here, however, is that if you are spending your entire eight-hour workday watching porn, why is there also a need to store these movies/images on your hard drive?

Are you planning on re-watching them in the future? When would you have time for that when you are constantly searching for new material?

Are you saving up a stockpile for retirement, when your measly $150,000/yr pension kicks in and you won't be able to afford an internet connection?

Or are you planning on opening a library for your fellow SEC pornaholics?

Either way, you are stupid, sad, and depressing on so many levels--drown yourself in the Potomac!

After bequeathing your life's work to your 14-year-old nephew, of course...

_

5 comments:

Benji said...

That this story is making headlines right now is, to me, like a homicide detective getting caught stealing cable.

Goodtime Charlie said...

Do you mean "a murderer getting caught stealing cable?" Cuz that would make more sense to me...

Benji said...

Metaphor fail. Finding out the SEC employs porn addicts is like catching a homicide detective stealing cable.

Benji said...

And by 'metaphor,' I mean 'simile.' Jeezus, I'm not on at all today.

Karl said...

I agree...how could any human being watch 8 hours of porn a day? At the very maximum, I only watch 6 hours a day, and that's only when I'm absolutely forced to by circumstances outside of my control--most days I kept it well under 5 h 45 m.

The only theory I can come up with on why this guy is also stockpiling porn on hard drives is that, as a federal government employee, he knows something about restrictions on porn coming down the flume. If that spigot is turned off, porn addicts like him would go through crushing withdrawals symptoms.