Friday, December 4, 2009

What On Earth... Steven Seagal doing on A&E? Do they even remember what those letters stand for?

His movies have grossed more than $2 billion worldwide. He is an expert martial artist with a 7th-degree black belt in Aikido. He's considered to be in the same class of action hero as Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. However, Steven Seagal isn't just an action hero in the movies. For almost 20 years, Seagal has been working as a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana. In addition to going out on patrol, Seagal is an expert marksman who has worked with their SWAT team and has instructed Jefferson Parish officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

Steven Seagal Lawman will allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes in progress. Then, when Seagal goes off duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures, including musical performances and philanthropic efforts in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.

AMC brought us Madmen and this is A&E's response? A bullshit Cops knockoff starring a loser actor "considered to be in the same class" as better examples of the same type? Every movie he has made since 2001 has gone straight to video for a reason, kemosabe! He was an actor and not a cop for a reason, swanfeeder!

Madmen v.'s is like a community bank offering free farts instead of toasters, and pretending they are comparable enticements for potential new customers. Thanks for the fart, ABC/NBC/Hearst!


The trimmings:

My favorite Steven Seagal quote, courtesy of wikipedia:
"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."
Talk about a PR maestro! Seriously, has anyone ever wanted to have sex with this guy? The idea seems fundamentally preposterous...and he's rich! I know he has seven kids, but millions of dollars and blackmail can often get you what you want. Besides, he was also married to a woman for three years before it was annulled and, thanks to Arrested Development, we all know that means it was never consummated.

While you're at it, check this out if you want a laugh.


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