Friday, December 11, 2009

Fat Friday Vol.2

As the holiday season draws ever-nearer, I feel it is my duty to remind you, among other things, not to eat so much that you become this guy:

Especially if you're on my flight home.

Finding it hard to relate because you're a home-schooled young buck yet to be teased so mercilessly you eat even more, as if that will solve your problem? Go look in the mirror and see if you look like one of these sick little Big Boys:

Midwestern mealtime!

Miami mealtime!

If you do, then trust me--you need to lose weight fast or monsters will eat you first since you are more flavorful than the lean boys in town and, luckily for us non-fatties, monsters are not yet health-conscious enough to discover the importance of a compromise between flavor and calories.

[As soon as they do, we are all as good as dead, since rather than fight back we will all be trying frantically to coerce each other into end-of-the-world sex. We are a sadly predictable species... - Ed.]

On the other hand, please don't get so afraid of becoming fat that you push it to the other extreme and start looking like this equal-but-opposite unsexy beast:

The monsters enjoy eating these guys out of spite.

Fair warning, world...


No comments: