Fat Friday, Vol.5

Due to intense lobbying by the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, KFC has finally bowed to the pressure and combined the deliciosity of bacon, cheese, and fried chicken into one artery-clogging pseudo-sandwich wad of grease their membership has been clamoring for lo these many years.

Fried chicken as bread, huh? How come nobody thought of this before? Oh yeah, because chicken used to be real meat with bones in it and people didn't use to require bacon with every meal.


So, whether you are lean, mean and unhappy, or maybe just a bit pudgy and finally looking to get serious about becoming obese, then KFC's soon-to-be-released Double-Down is for you.

To be on the safe side, I recommend lining up outside your local KFC by midnight on April 11th, so that you are fully prepared to arrest your heart with this deliciously fried, 99% non-meat super treat at the very first opportunity.

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I'll Have a Heart Attack, Please

Tired of paying for food?

Just gain like 200 pounds, move to Arizona or Florida, and you can eat for free until you die young. It's true!

Two cardiac-arrest-themed fast food joints on opposite sides of country are locked in a federal lawsuit over restaurant themes.

Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Ariz. has sued Heart Stoppers Sports Grill in Delray Beach, Fla. Heart Attack's owners argue that Heart Stoppers is too similar to their own restaurant.

Both feature monstrously fatty menus, scantily-clad "nurse" waitresses, and signage with an EKG design. At both restaurants, customers over 350 lbs. eat for free. At Heart Attack Grill, customers who finish the biggest burger on the menu get wheeled out of the restaurant in a wheelchair.

According to Heart Attack's owners, the proprietors of Heart Stoppers were in talks to open a franchise of Heart Attack Grill before they opened their own restaurant in December.

(full article here)

Well, I think the lawsuit is pretty cut and dry, in favor of the Heart Attack Grill. But what about all the future lawsuits, from customers who actually do have heart attacks after eating at their restaurant? I mean, they don't really have a leg to stand on there, since they practically brag about how their food causes heart attacks...

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