ISO Wizard-Sleeve Fetishist

Beware, Gents--the incorrigible Nadya Suleman is on the prowl.

Not only is she trying to trademark 'Octomom' (a term which she did not coin) to help sell maternity wear and diapers (hint: Octomom condoms would be far more successful), but she also has a reality show in the works.

The show would follow her around, constantly, as she raises her 14 children and, as if that wasn't enough to make you change the channel or hang yourself, tries to find a man.

What sort of person would want to date this woman?

Out of those men, which scary few would want to do so on national television?

Hmmm...actually, it just might be crazy enough to work--worthless fame whore meets worthless fame whore and they live happily ever after, until he runs himself over in the driveway. Or marries one of her daughters.

Good luck, Nadya! Nobody's rooting for you!

Except for this guy:


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Well, Slap Me In the Cunt and Call Me Sally!

Looks like the market for stretch-mark-fetish pornography is bigger than I predicted.

Vivid Entertainment recently offered infamous octuplet-mom Nadya Suleman $1 million to appear in one of their videos.

Yuck.

Who wants to see that woman in a porno? Aren't pornos supposed to be pleasurable? Or is there some sick sort of 'hate-your-cock' fetish section I luckily am not aware of (til now)?

I mean, first of all, she's not an actress, and that shit's important.

Secondly, she is not attractive in the slightest--a man's penis might actually invert if its owner saw this woman naked (think of the lawsuits!).

Thirdly, there is not a cock in the land that wouldn't simply get lost inside that black hole between her legs.

How could Vivid possibly make a profit off this? I mean, $1 million to Octomom, $15 to the homeless guy they pay to fuck her (plus $5 for his pre-bang Viagra/Schnapps pick-me-up), $10 for a Betamax cassette, $9 for Mac and cheese for the whole crew of slave laborers...there's no way they'll make that money back!

Or will they?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Perhaps Vivid knows the appetites of men better than this sailor...

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Hubba Hubba!

(photo courtesy TMZ)

I think I just found the cover photograph for Nadya Suleman's eagerly-anticipated-by-losers upcoming book.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ that is a distended abdomen. Where is all that skin going to go? Can she donate it to a burn unit somewhere? Would they even want it? Who wants somebody else's stretch marks on their face? Or is that already already some kind of fetish among people with whom I would never willingly associate?

I shudder at the thought, but it would not surprise me, not in this world.

If she is unable to find a capable plastic surgeon in Southern California, once her literary career crashes and burns, Nadya at least has a future in the potentially-lucrative stretch-mark-fetish market on Craigslist. Or the one in Africa.

That should put at least one of her fourteen kids through community college.

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I'm Stupid -- The Nadya Suleman Story

Evidently the single mother with six kids who recently gave birth to octuplets is being deluged with book deals.

I don't find this terribly surprising, in light of the fact that anybody who is ever on the news for more than one night in this country is offered a lucrative book deal, since the only people who buy books anymore only do so if they recognize the author's face from Oprah or Fox News, but it does seem to set a new low in the world of literature.

What exactly would this completely worthless, deranged lunatic have to say to the ghostwriter hired by her recently-hired professional spokeswoman?

"So...I got a bunch of embryos put in my uterus and...then I had eight babies."
"Okay, well...I knew that... Is there anything else you'd like to say about your experience?"
"Uhmmm..."
"Well, what's it like having 14 kids under the age of seven?"
"Hard. Real hard."
"Do you have lots of diapers and formula and stuff?"
"Oh, yeah. Tons."
"You don't say...hmm..."
"Do I get my money now?"
"Well...I guess I can do the rest..."

Whoever does get that ghostwriting gig will have their work cut out for them--the veritable equivalent of asking a blind man to carve Mt. Rushmore with a spoon.

Is there even enough fluff in the infinite universe to fill this book out? Will they have to bring in Jimmy Carter as a consultant?

I wonder how many hundreds of thousands of copies of "I'm Stupid" will wind up at Half-Price Books, untouched. I wonder which fifteen people in the country will actually read the whole thing, how many of those who don't even finish it will still say they found it 'inspiring.' I wonder whether or not Oprah will bless the enterprise and make her a multi-millionaire overnight. I wonder how long it will be until the worthless film adaptation comes out on Lifetime or Oxygen.

I wonder how long it will be until all eight babies write their own mid-life memoirs.

The only photo yet released of the eight little miracles

Gag me with a dirty diaper! Sometimes this world we have created seems worse than a cauldron of flames raping my ass for eternity.

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