Showing posts with label Slap Me In the Cunt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Slap Me In the Cunt. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Well, Slap Me In the Cunt and Call Me Sally!


Looks like the market for stretch-mark-fetish pornography is bigger than I predicted.

Vivid Entertainment recently offered infamous octuplet-mom Nadya Suleman $1 million to appear in one of their videos.

Yuck.

Who wants to see that woman in a porno? Aren't pornos supposed to be pleasurable? Or is there some sick sort of 'hate-your-cock' fetish section I luckily am not aware of (til now)?

I mean, first of all, she's not an actress, and that shit's important.

Secondly, she is not attractive in the slightest--a man's penis might actually invert if its owner saw this woman naked (think of the lawsuits!).

Thirdly, there is not a cock in the land that wouldn't simply get lost inside that black hole between her legs.

How could Vivid possibly make a profit off this? I mean, $1 million to Octomom, $15 to the homeless guy they pay to fuck her (plus $5 for his pre-bang Viagra/Schnapps pick-me-up), $10 for a Betamax cassette, $9 for Mac and cheese for the whole crew of slave laborers...there's no way they'll make that money back!

Or will they?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Perhaps Vivid knows the appetites of men better than this sailor...

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Well, Slap Me In the Cunt and Call Me Sally!


According to all comers, obese Hollywood shit-schlocker Kevin James' latest puerile turd, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, was a megaplex megadisappointment. And keep in mind expectations were not high to begin with.

As today's special treat--you're welcome--please read the most negative, sarcastic, and brief New York Times movie review I have ever read. It will make you smile. And everybody should smile more.

As soon as you're finished smiling, read this and drown yourself to death in tears for the fate of humanity.


[Confidential to Kevin James: One of my more avid readers informed me the other day that when asked whether they would rather have sex with Adrien Brody five minutes post-mortem or the dude from King of Queens, they all chose the fresh corpse of Adrien Brody. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.]

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