Well, Slap Me In the Cunt and Call Me Sally!

Looks like the market for stretch-mark-fetish pornography is bigger than I predicted.

Vivid Entertainment recently offered infamous octuplet-mom Nadya Suleman $1 million to appear in one of their videos.

Yuck.

Who wants to see that woman in a porno? Aren't pornos supposed to be pleasurable? Or is there some sick sort of 'hate-your-cock' fetish section I luckily am not aware of (til now)?

I mean, first of all, she's not an actress, and that shit's important.

Secondly, she is not attractive in the slightest--a man's penis might actually invert if its owner saw this woman naked (think of the lawsuits!).

Thirdly, there is not a cock in the land that wouldn't simply get lost inside that black hole between her legs.

How could Vivid possibly make a profit off this? I mean, $1 million to Octomom, $15 to the homeless guy they pay to fuck her (plus $5 for his pre-bang Viagra/Schnapps pick-me-up), $10 for a Betamax cassette, $9 for Mac and cheese for the whole crew of slave laborers...there's no way they'll make that money back!

Or will they?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Perhaps Vivid knows the appetites of men better than this sailor...

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Hubba Hubba!

(photo courtesy TMZ)

I think I just found the cover photograph for Nadya Suleman's eagerly-anticipated-by-losers upcoming book.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ that is a distended abdomen. Where is all that skin going to go? Can she donate it to a burn unit somewhere? Would they even want it? Who wants somebody else's stretch marks on their face? Or is that already already some kind of fetish among people with whom I would never willingly associate?

I shudder at the thought, but it would not surprise me, not in this world.

If she is unable to find a capable plastic surgeon in Southern California, once her literary career crashes and burns, Nadya at least has a future in the potentially-lucrative stretch-mark-fetish market on Craigslist. Or the one in Africa.

That should put at least one of her fourteen kids through community college.

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