Let's face it, she's not an artist--she always plays the same character, which is no doubt not very different from who she is in real life. For those of you unfamiliar with her oeuvre, Heaton played 'hilarious' Debra Barone, Ray Romano's wife, on 'Everybody Loves Raymond,' a show that seemed to go on forever, but actually was only on for a finite 9 years. 209 episodes. She made $450,000 per episode in season seven--$11 million that year alone.
'Raymond' thankfully expired in 2005, and it did EXPIRE--it was not canceled and did not even finish out its last season. According to www.patriciaheatononline.com (yes, this fucking website EXISTS, and packs a punch):
"Raymond Falls Short - Despite a last-ditch effort by CBS to lengthen its final season, Everybody Loves Raymond will stick to Plan A and produce just 16 original episodes before signing off in May. "We honestly couldn't think of any more [ideas]," says series creator Phil Rosenthal. "We brought in a couple of people to pitch stories, but everything either reminded us of stuff we've done before or wasn't good enough." Damn you creative integrity. Damn you!"
Now, I know what you're thinking or, at least, should be thinking: where was your creative integrity the last nine years? Did every one of those scripts REALLY not remind you of every other episode you'd ever done? Did the initial concept, and every subsequent idea, REALLY not remind you of every other stock, cardboard character/storyline in the boring-ass sitcom pantheon? Were they all 'good enough?'
After nine years of going to work five days a week to play herself on national TV, you'd think Patricia Heaton would pocket the $80 million and live out the rest of her life quietly, raising her four young boys, eating finger sandwiches with her hubby, etc. But no--she decided to start appearing in commercials that seem to play constantly, even to this day. Was this her 'honing her craft?' She obviously didn't need the money...
To make matters worse, she appeared in a pilot for a TV show that never even received a proper name--that's how bad it was, how quickly the umbilical cord was cut from this 'baby' by the powers that be--even though it was made TWO YEARS AGO--"The Untitled Patricia Heaton Project (2006)." Since I know you're curious, here is a synopsis of this series that thankfully went nowhere:
"A recently widowed woman (Heaton) starts a new life for herself by joining the PTA."
No need for a joke here--the work has already been done. Thanks, Patricia!
Sadly, Kelsey Grammar then decided he needed to add Patricia's 'star wattage' to his new unnecessary show, 'Back to You.' In this show, he plays Dr. Frasier Crane--but with a DIFFERENT NAME! His range is truly stunning. Talk about somebody who doesn't need the money--Kelsey! Go away! Swim around in your vault full of gold coins and leave us alone! You were funny in Cheers, but that's in the past!
Isn't the goal in life to make a bunch of money and retire young, to enjoy life the way it was meant to be lived, as children of paradise, sipping fruit smoothies out of coconut halves and making love in the surf, nary a care in the world? When you have $80 million laying around, shouldn't you just go on vacation for the rest of your life, raise your children, and work on the occasional pet project? TV sitcoms are not art--they are popcorn entertainment created by, and starring, people who are only doing it for the paycheck. Why do greedy-soccer-mom-actress-whores like Patricia Heaton not understand this? Why does she think we need to see more of her one-trick-pony acting? How come she doesn't understand that she has no need for her own website? How come she doesn't realize we all see right through her? How come she had her belly button removed by a plastic surgeon?*
Wait, I know the answer--she's a psychopath.
[*Yes, this is true. Read all about it, and check out some scary photos, by cutting and pasting this link into your browser:
http://defamer.com/366521/missing-one-celebrity-belly-button-and-one-sense-of-inhibition]
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