How Brave

Chelsea Clinton announced yesterday that she is going to do her part in sending aid to the people of Haiti--by hosting a spin class in Manhattan.

"Good Afternoon SoulCyclists," the note says "in a time of need, we can always look to our SOUL COMMUNITY to take action. In response to the recent devastation in Haiti, we are doing our best to make a difference. Please join Chelsea Clinton and SoulCycle for a special 90-minute ride on Thursday, Jan. 21 to benefit The Clinton Haiti Relief Fund."

Front row "seats" to the event cost $1,000, while second row bikes will go for $500 and all other bikes will be $100. Checks were to be made out to The Clinton Foundation with a notation that it should go to Haiti relief efforts.

(courtesy People.com)

Boy, she's really got that Super Rich act down pat already. The only child of wealthy, politically-connected, celebrity parents, she was somehow hired as the youngest consultant at McKinsey & Company immediately after receiving a master's degree in International Relations from Oxford, then decided to move on to a hedge fund run by a good friend of her parents and get engaged to an investment banker.

Now, despite her own lucrative salary and her family's ridiculous wealth (the Clintons made $109 million between 2000-2007), she is not donating any actual money to the cause--just 110 minutes of her time, including travel to and from the fitness center, for which you will be asked to pay dearly.

Is all the family money getting sucked up by that daring team of hairdressers that straightens and dyes Chealsea's rat-nesty hair four times a day? Or are the Clintons simply stockpiling and laughing their way to a dynasty?

Probably a cocktail of the two. Anyway, I'll be praying to Jeebus for a barren womb for Chelsea this Christmas, so that I can take over the deep, jowly laugh from Billary and join in all the fun. Are you there God? It's me, Charlie...


Chelsea Clinton fact of the day:
During the Clinton's stint in the White House, Chelsea's Secret-Service codename was 'Energy.'

_

You Look Hungry---Have Some Pajamas!

One day, months ago, when a friend chained me down and held my eyelids open, I saw something on the Oprah Winfrey Show that blew my mind. I swore I would write about it then, but I must have forgotten, so here it is now.

First off, for those of you that are unfamiliar, the Oprah Winfrey Show is a popular television show among women. The host, Oprah, is an awe-inspiringly vain, overweight, empowered woman whose softball interviewing tactics are beloved by PR reps across the nation. Viewers love it when she loses weight and gains it back, or when she unleashes the occasional "you go, girl!"

Anyway, this particular episode showcased the efforts of a handful of people who found, late in life, that charity was their calling, and abandoned their white-collar jobs or mommy duties to work full-time for their charitable causes.

One of the them was a guy who collected books and brought them to elementary schools in Nepal, so the children could have books to read and learn English. He then expanded the program to include children's books written in their native language.

Another--we'll call her Miss Stupidhead--started an organization that donated pajamas to poor children. It is called the Pajama Program.

"Please give me some pajamas..."

Now, keep in mind that these are not pajamas that were lying around somebody's house unused and then shipped in. These are, in a few cases, new pajamas that people purchased and donated; but in most cases, these were pajamas this woman purchased with money people donated.

Imagine this scenario:

"Hello, Miss Stupidhead, I'm pretty damn rich and I've started to feel guilty about it, so I'd like to give something back. A friend at my country club told me you run a charity that benefits underprivileged children and I would like to donate $500,000 to your cause."
"Oh, that's super! I can buy 50,000 pajamas with all that money! Think of how happy those children will be!"
"Umm...pajamas? I'd rather you spent it on food, medicine, education, clothes they can actually wear to school..."
"No--trust me. If there's one thing I learned growing up white and privileged, it's that the one thing poor children need above everything else is pajamas."
"Okay, you're the expert..."

As is her wont, Oprah surprised this woman, on-air, with thousands of pairs of pajamas purchased with funds donated from her viewers.

Again...donated cash turned into pajamas.

Why?

Why!!!