Okay, So...These Guys Are Fucked

Something tells me oil doesn't wash out of your stomach very easily, so something (Jeebus?) also tells me these two firemen are sacrificing their lives to try to stop an oil spill caused by the explosion of a pipeline in China.

I'm sure the massive trillion-dollar company in charge of the pipeline greatly appreciates their efforts and will reward their bereaved families with $100 of free gas at the very least and $150 at the very most. The environment thanks them for their heroic efforts, but that has never been a very tangible reward and has certainly never put food in anybody's bellies or cured their cancer.

The pipeline blaze:

Whoa.

Also whoa:

"We don't have proper oil cleanup materials, so our workers are wearing rubber gloves and using chopsticks," an official with the Jinshitan Golden Beach Administration Committee told the Beijing Youth Daily newspaper in apparent exasperation. "This kind of inefficiency means the oil will keep coming to shore. ... This stretch of oil is really difficult to clean up in the short term."

(courtesy HuffPo)

Oh, it's difficult to clean up an oil spill with chopsticks? No shit, asshole. Maybe you and everybody else in town should have thought about that before you let Asia's largest oil company run a pipeline into your bay.

Has there ever been a pipeline that did not leak at some point?

Also, aren't all of the world's plastic shovels and buckets and pasta strainers made in China? Do they really need to resort to chopsticks, or is there some sort of perverted national pride going on here?




[Photos courtesy AP]

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California Finds a Way to Make Rush Hour Worse

As if things weren't bad enough already out here, they are poised to get quite a bit worse:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) - As electronic highway billboards flashing neon advertisements become more prevalent, the next frontier in distracted driving is already approaching - ad-blaring license plates.
The California Legislature is considering a bill that would allow the state to begin researching the use of electronic license plates for vehicles. The move is intended as a moneymaker for a state facing a $19 billion deficit.

All This Because Some Rich Dude Felt Guilty About Inventing Dynamite

Huffington Post and the Associated Press dropped some stunning stats the other day, regarding President Obama's trip to Norway to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

But first, a bit of interesting info you probably do not know about Alfred Nobel, courtesy of wikipedia:

The erroneous publication in 1888 of a premature obituary of Nobel by a French newspaper, condemning him for his invention of dynamite, is said to have brought about his decision to leave a better legacy after his death. The obituary stated Le marchand de la mort est mort ("The merchant of death is dead") and went on to say, "Dr. Alfred Nobel, who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before, died yesterday." On 27 November 1895, at the Swedish-Norwegian Club in Paris, Nobel signed his last will and testament and set aside the bulk of his estate to establish the Nobel Prizes, to be awarded annually without distinction of nationality. He died of a stroke on 10 December 1896 at Sanremo, Italy. After taxes and bequests to individuals, Nobel's will gave 31,225,000 Swedish kronor (equivalent to about 1.8 billion kronor or 250 million US dollars in 2008) to fund the prizes.

Huh. Fascinatin'. And now, the larch*:

Despite his being there for only 24 hours, Norway is spending $16 million for security during Obama's visit. The chief of staff of Oslo's police force, John Fredriksen told the AP that the event was "the biggest - and most demanding - security operation in Norway's history."

From the AP:
With all the attention Obama's visit has generated, about 2,500 police officers from all over the Nordic country have deployed to Oslo. The Norwegian military has also contributed support in the form of helicopters and sharpshooters.

Last week, city maintenance crews welded shut over 400 manholes in downtown Oslo, and police said they will remove all downtown trash cans on Wednesday afternoon to eliminate potential hiding places for bombs.[...]

Police and city work crews spent much of this week erecting barricades around Oslo's compact downtown to help control the crowds expected to surge into the capital when Obama arrives.

On Wednesday morning, Norwegian police armed with machine guns guarded the Grand Hotel as hotel workers installed bulletproof glass to protect the president during Thursday evening's procession.

Reminds me of my last state visit in 2003, although I believe I stayed at the Continental. They welded 400 manhole covers shut? I hope the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles weren't down there--or if they were, let's hope they at least had a stockpile of anchovy pizzas to wait out the surprise imprisonment...


*a Monty Python joke I hope at least three of you understood...
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"And the award for stupidest person of the minute goes to..."

Brett Ratner, well-known Stupid Person but NOT this minute's winner

I know the idiots are legion, but this dude Darnell edged them out by a Karl-Malden nose:

A pet Burmese python measuring more than 8 feet long broke out of a terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl in her bedroom Wednesday at a central Florida home, authorities said. Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived at about 10 a.m., Lt. Bobby Caruthers of the Sumter County Sheriff's Office said.

Charles Jason Darnell, the snake's owner and the boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, discovered the snake missing from its terrarium and went to the girl's room, where he found it on the girl and bite marks on her head, Caruthers said. Darnell, 32, stabbed the snake until he was able to pry the child away.

"The baby's dead!" a sobbing caller from the house screamed to a 911 dispatcher in a recording. "Our stupid snake got out in the middle of the night and strangled the baby."

Authorities did not identify the caller and removed the person's name from the recording.

"She got out of the cage last night and got into the baby's crib and strangled her to death," the caller said.

(courtesy AP)

No shit, Darnell. What would you do if you were a fucking 8-ft-long hungry-ass snake cramped up in a cage all day every day, getting contact highs from you and your dropout buddies?

You'd bust outta that shit and get yourself some fresh eats! Baby eats! (they're easier to kill)

Or maybe a sheep:

This is my favorite part of the story, though:

Darnell did not have a permit for the snake, which would be a second-degree misdemeanor, said Joy Hill, a spokeswoman with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. He has not been charged, but Caruthers said investigators were looking into whether there was child neglect or if any other laws were broken.

Hill said the snake will be placed with someone who has a permit, pending an investigation into the girl's death.

(courtesy AP)

A second-degree misdemeanor? Debating whether or not any laws were broken? A foster-parent for the killer snake?

Am I living in the fucking Twilight Zone???

Darnell and his girl belong in jail for having an 8-ft (going on 26ft) Burmese python in the same home as a child--the existence of a snake permit is a non-issue.

This is a breed of snake that EATS CROCODILES!!!! How is it sane to have one around?

Rather than placed in a foster home, the snake should be shot in the face and fed to crocodiles because, let's be honest, even if this snake hadn't killed a baby, snakes are just the worst.

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