Tuesday, February 1, 2011

We Haven't Talked About Dorks Enough Lately

If you're a middle-aged man who loves trikes, you'll love the Uno!

If you believe every famous actress/actor/musician/model--and I do, unequivocally--they each used to be "such a big dork in high school."

So, clearly, all the dorks grow up to be sexy, cool, and rich...okay...but what becomes of the meatheads who major in football/cheerleading and minor in autoshop/blowjobs-under-the-bleachers, you ask?

Well, they all grow up to be dorks who buy an Uno to get around town. Probably.

Is that the perfect revenge? Some 19 year-old dork designs the Uno and gets rich--and cool--as all the cool kids from his high school lose their hair/wives/looks and buy Unos to impress the fat Leather Mommas smoking outside the biker bar?

Hmmm...assuming we all have to be a dork at some point in our lives, I'm glad I got that out of the way in high school and can have been able to spend the rest of my life basking in an unrelenting torrent of coolness, soaking in my oceanside saltwater hot tub, telling jokes to eager supermodels and making fun of Emeril as he grills my dinner.

Oh, and I definitely need to look into getting Biff to detail my entire collection of classic automobiles on a daily basis, while I'm at it, since I just never know which one I want to drive ahead of time...

Thanks, Biff--now go home and suck an egg!


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