This Is How Uncool I Am

Does this look cool to you?

I cannot imagine why it would ever be something to do, but apparently in England people like to get together and consume spoonfuls of powdered caffeine at parties.

Huh? Wha?

Recognize:

Last week, according to AOL Health, it came to light that Michael Lee Bedford, [a] British man, died after consuming "spoonfuls" of caffeine powder at a party with friends. AOL Health reports that Bedford had the equivalent of 70 energy drinks in his system at the time of his death in April. According to Dr. Eric Braverman, a lethal dose of caffeine would be about 10,000 milligrams — or 100 cups of coffee — the website reports. 

(courtesy Time.com)

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and bet there were no girls at this "party" and the guys were desperately trying to work up the 'caffeine courage' to fuck their pet robots in front of each other all night while they play videogames and laugh in high-pitched voices.

Either that or I guess I'm just not that cool anymore and it was not only a bitchin' party, but caffeine is also a breathtaking high I've been a stranger to for way too long.

Might be worth the experiment--I'll order a 60-gallon drum and see what happens. If it's empty in two weeks, break through my window, shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, strap me to a comfortable couch, and let me ride out the withdrawal til I'm back down among the mortals. A ride like that should be one you can walk away from.

_