Monday, December 22, 2008

The Trouble With Hollywood, Part 2: Perfectly-Timed Case Study

The new Will Smith vehicle--Seven Pounds--opened this past Friday. What is it about? Well, after watching the trailer, it's hard to say. As far as I can tell, it's about Will Smith helping people who don't know why he's helping them, other than the fact that "he has to." The trailer and posters also pitch that this movie is directed by the same guy (Gabriele Muccino, perhaps Italy's only mistake?) who directed The Pursuit of Happyness, which was Will Smith's last attempt at Oscar glory by playing a real-life hero who conquers his fears and depression, and does good in the world, and scrunches up his face a lot in "emotional pain."

How did Seven Pounds do this weekend at the box office, you ask? Well, it finished second to Jim Carrey's Yes Man, with a take of only $14.8 million. Both movies performed well below expectations. Translation? They bombed. They might even lose money (I hope).

But what was to blame for this unexpected predicament?

Rory Bruer, Sony’s president for theatrical distribution, said he believed that Seven Pounds was hurt by the weather. But like Pursuit of Happyness, he said, the movie could earn total ticket sales of more than six times its opening — a level that might yet extend Mr. Smith’s winning streak [of consecutive movies earning more than $100 million, which stands at 8 --Ed].

Still, critics were especially rough on Seven Pounds, with its deliberately veiled plot line involving a man’s self-destruction in an effort to make up for his past. In a review for The New York Times, A. O. Scott said it was possibly one of most “crazily awful motion pictures ever made.” (courtesy

There you have it, folks; people didn't go see the movie because of the weather. It had nothing to do with it being an inexcusable piece of shit. Thank you for righting my upside-down world, Rory "The Asshole P.R. Robot" Bruer. You should win this year's Will Smith Award for Useless Everyman Heroism at the annual Assholes Convention on Boxing Day. Please claim your prize--a free one-week brainwashing course at the Scientology Testing Center on Hollywood Boulevard.



Anonymous said...

I went to see it and wanted to blow my head off!! Talk about a self-deprecating, unrewarding, love story.

This is a Holiday movie??

I thought at the very least I would walk away inspired and the only thing I got out of it was one mans pain and self sacrifice (suicide mind you) to really help people. What a depressing piece of shit.

Anyone thinking of killing themselves over the Holidays should not go see this movie...

Goodtime Charlie said...

OR, maybe they SHOULD see it, if they really SHOULD kill themselves. Maybe it will ensure they go through with it...