Showing posts with label teenagers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teenagers. Show all posts

Thursday, November 11, 2010

An Open Letter to Teenagers Everywhere


Kids today really need to get tougher skins or they'll all be dead in five years and the world as we know it will slowly draw to a close, Children of Men-style.

A 14 year-old girl hangs herself because the friends of her alleged rapist were tormenting her?
Numerous high-school kids killing themselves because kids make fun of their sexuality?
Kids so afraid to go to school because they are getting bullied that they drop out, go into highly-medicated therapy, get even more depressed, and kill themselves later?

I love to break it to you, kids, but this shit has been going on since the dawn of human society. Deal with it, just like everybody has done for millennia. You are not special, this is not a new and more potent form of torture that the human psyche is unable to withstand.


You think it's awful that people make fun of you in the school cafeteria? That you get text messages that say "Suck my dick, faggot!" or "U R a lesbo LOL!"? That mean people write mean things on your Facebook page that you can immediately delete? Oh, no! Your life is so unimaginably difficult--nobody else could possibly understand because cell phones and Facebook and fags weren't around when they were kids!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

With All the Rain Lately, I'm Getting Worried About Teenagers This Summer...


Don't you hate it when you head home after a great summer night out with your hubby, only to find yourself covered in those annoyingly itchy teenager bites? Do swarms of teenagers prevent you from leaving your house to enjoy the fruits of your labors?

Well, your fucking troubles are over, man!

Simply purchase The Mosquito from Moving Sound Technologies for the low price of $1000 and those pesky teenagers will never again disrupt your picnic, outdoor concert, or garden party.

What is The Mosquito, you ask? Why, it is teenager repellent--to keep your lives teenager-free, of course!