But Where Do the Vampires Fit In?

Lassie, 101 Dalmations, Benji, Beethoven, Snow Dogs, Cats & Dogs, Must Love Dogs, Hotel for Dogs, Marley & Me...can we stop this inane shit already? Is anything with a dog in it automatically greenlit?

Seems like it:

"The book is driven by the reminiscences of Enzo, a family dog with a near-human soul and a philosopher's mind, who evaluates his life through the lessons learned by his human owner, the race-car driver Denny Swift."

If this doesn't sound like the stupidest idea ever, then I'll eat my own sock. And yours, too. I can hear the chatter at Harper during the editing process for Garth 'Turd Conductor' Stein right now in my cavernous cranium...

"Hmmmm it's readable...but you know what this story is missing? A dog narrator. Wait, no--a smart dog narrator."
"Brilliant--that's why you're the boss, Boss."
"That's right. Now rewrite it--we'll publish on Monday. [presses intercom] Cristina--get me Oprah on the horn. That big ole bitch is gonna love this shit..."

Patrick Dempsey? Has that guy carried a movie yet? He can't even carry a prime time soap!

What's next--will Drew Barrymore voice the dog? Or will it be animation staple Cliff Clavin from Cheers? At least Diablo Cody hasn't been tapped to adapt this fetid turd. Yet.


Bonus: More plot summary/critique

Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
If you've ever wondered what your dog is thinking, Stein's third novel offers an answer. Enzo is a lab terrier mix plucked from a farm outside Seattle to ride shotgun with race car driver Denny Swift as he pursues success on the track and off. Denny meets and marries Eve, has a daughter, Zoë, and risks his savings and his life to make it on the professional racing circuit. Enzo, frustrated by his inability to speak and his lack of opposable thumbs, watches Denny's old racing videos, coins koanlike aphorisms that apply to both driving and life, and hopes for the day when his life as a dog will be over and he can be reborn a man. When Denny hits an extended rough patch, Enzo remains his most steadfast if silent supporter. Enzo is a reliable companion and a likable enough narrator, though the string of Denny's bad luck stories strains believability. Much like Denny, however, Stein is able to salvage some dignity from the over-the-top drama. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review
"Enzo ultimately teaches Denny and the reader that persistence and joie de vivre will see them through to the checkered flag. Stein...creates a patient, wise, and doggish narrator that is more than just fluff and collar. This should appeal to fans of both dogs and car racing." -- Library Journal

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A Matter of Schlock

A new screen gem for the international Sideways Set*: fat men struggle--hilariously--to become sumo wrestlers. In Israel. At the end they probably learn something about themselves and maybe even grow slightly.

Aside from the fact that this sounds really boring and familiar, it is also clear that somebody in charge of this fetid turd has no idea how athletic and disciplined sumo wrestlers are--there is quite a gap between them and lazy obese men.

Not only are they more flexible than just about everybody I know, but do you know how strong you have to be to pick up a tree-trunk-legged 400-pound man and carry him out of the ring?

Writer/Director Sharon Maymon, I submit the following for your consideration. Also, here is a pretty fascinating video.



* Sideways Set--the overjoyed target demographic for movies such as: Sideways, Little Miss Sunshine, The Full Monty, Calendar Girls, Juno, etc...

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