Diablo Cody, heroine of the 'Sideways'-set, onetime stripper (have you heard this?), and scribe of the predictably quirky, awful movie 'Juno,' has brought home the Oscar hardware, thanks to a PR blitz of a magnitude unseen since the days of Matt Damon & Ben Affleck's 'surprise' victory for 'Good Will Hunting' in 1997. Nothing like the triumph of the underdog to warm the hearts of legions of robotic academy voters.
But who is this Diablo Cody? I mean, we all know she used to strip, because that is somehow...important...but I want to dig a little deeper. Who are her heroes? Who inspires her? Perhaps we can learn something from the biography on her imdbpro page:
"Diablo Cody is originally from Chicago, Illinois, and moved to Minnesota to live with her Internet boyfriend, Jonny (now her husband). While there she decided, on a whim, to take up stripping as a hobby of sorts. Meanwhile, she was working in an ad agency.
Within a year she got a promotion at the ad agency, which wore her ragged, and was something she did not particularly care for (it demanded organization, which is something at which she was not very good). Eventually, she quit her day job with Jonny's blessings and began stripping full-time. During the course of about a year she went from Amateur Night, which was her first stripping experience, to a place she refers to in her book as Sheiks, then to Déjà Vu, and so on. She then took up work as a phone-sex operator before returning to stripping.
Shortly thereafter she decided to quit stripping and she and Jonny married. They moved to what she refers to as "the 'burbs, and no one strips unless they're taking a bubble bath." Her stepdaughter was the flower girl in the wedding and, according to Diablo, they are very happy."
Question: doesn't successful screenwriting require organization? Answer: I guess not. I mean, she won an OSCAR! I can see why, what with being able to whip out lines like, "the 'burbs--where no one strips unless they're taking a bubble bath." Gold! Provided you forget the fact that most strippers come from the burbs, and most strip clubs are located in the burbs...
What else can we learn about this fascinating figure, this literary vixen that has the American press under her spell? What previously-unmarketable pet projects will she finally be able to get made, now that her shit has stopped stinking?
Projects in the Works:
1. 'The United States of Tara' (2008)---TV Series---A woman struggles to find a balance between her dissociative identity disorder and raising a dysfunctional family. (Dysfunctional families are so hot right now!) Steven Spielberg created it, boot-strapper Jason Reitman (son of producer/director Ivan Reitman, director of 'Juno') will direct.
2. 'Jennifer's Body' (2009)---A newly possessed cheerleader turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror? Megan Fox (from 'Transformers;' sucks as an actress; would make a great stripper) stars. Jason Reitman produces, which begs the question: is Jason Reitman her pimp?
3. 'Burlesque' (2009)---[no synopsis available, but something tells me it's about a stripper...] Diablo is co-writing this gem, along with horribly-unsuccessful-but-somehow-still-working writer/director/actor Steve Antin (example: 'Gloria:' Budget=$30million, Gross=$4.1million). She'll also be working with legendary producer Donald DeLine--he of 'Domestic Disturbance,' 'Italian Job,' 'Without A Paddle,' and 'Fool's Gold' infamy, who is currently producing 16 movies for release in 2008-9, including the much-anticipated 'Brazilian Job' (yeah, a sequel to 'Italian Job'...in Brazil! Crazy!) and a live-action Jetson's movie. How does one person produce 16 movies at once? Easily! He hires overeducated, overworked, underpaid underlings to do all the work for him, while he lounges by the pool at the Chateua Marmont, continuing his unsuccessful quest to bed wannabe starlets.
4. 'Girly Style' (2009)---[no synopsis available] Diablo sold the pitch to Universal, with Mason Novick (Producer-Juno) producing. Mason Novick seems to also have come from nowhere (although I doubt he was ever a stripper, so we won't hear much about him), turned to gold by the Juno touch, to find himself producing 12 films in 2008-2009. Here is a delightful summary of six of those movies, copied from imdbpro:
'Dirty Step Stomp'---A spoof of dance movies, from "classics" such as Footloose and Dirty Dancing, to more contemporary fare, including Stomp the Yard and Step Up.
'Curve'---A woman finds herself in certain danger after she offers a ride to the stranger who helped fix her car. Her situation worsens when the emergency maneuver she pulls finds her trapped in her car in a ravine, with her assailant waiting for her time to run out. (No actors have been attached yet, but 10 brave producers have started cashing checks.)
'Untitled Treasure Hunt Project'---A group of childhood pals reunite in search of a treasure they were unable to find as kids. (Five producers onboard so far for this Big-Chill-meets-Goonies shitfest).
'Y: The Last Man'---A young escape artist and a Capuchin monkey become the only male survivors of a deadly plague that kills every mammal possessing a Y chromosome.
'In the Stars'---A fake psychic becomes famous after one of her phony predictions comes true.
'Razorwire'---The script centers on a group of small-time drug dealers who discover that vampires, who also happen to be cops, have been feeding on the disadvantaged people in the ghetto. When the vampire cops start framing them for the murders, the dealers go to war with their new immortal enemies.
[And you ask why the movie business is in trouble? The plot synopses of those six movies are funnier than 99% of the comedies that were released in the last six years...]
In closing (sixth-grade book-report style), I have learned that Diablo Cody will be in our faces for at least the next 2 years. I look forward to hearing many, many more times that she was once a stripper. I have also learned that a lot of people are riding her leopard-print coattails to much fame and fortune, despite lack of talent and/or business acumen, and I am reminded of a famous, unattributed quote: "success has many fathers, and failure is an orphan." I have also also learned that I should avoid the mutliplex like the plague in 2009. The End.
* Tune in next week to hear about what I did on my spring vacation! *
