Friday, September 17, 2010

Stupid Whore Class is in session


"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right."

This is the controversial cheer that a Michigan cheerleader's mother objected to recently. This objection got her daughter kicked off the squad and straight onto the stage of Good Morning America.

The kicker: The former cheerleader is only 6 years old.

SIX YEARS OLD!

For whom do six-year-olds cheer? Six-year-old football players? The Catholic Priests Charity Football League?

Even more importantly, however, how does this cheer make any sense? Who wants to hear about people's problems? Their backs ache? Whose doesn't. Their skirts are too tight? Stop getting so fat!

Boring...

Or are these cheerleaders trying to say they are always on their back getting it from football players and their skirts are intentionally too tight because they're trying to show off the hot bodies they spend all day creating by not eating and ditching class to do bikram yoga and smoking cigarettes across the street?

Oh, wait, I just got it--these six-year-old girls are CHEAP SLUTS who really, really, really want their football-playing sex-partners to win the game against their other football-playing sex-partners who go to first-grade at a nearby rival primary school.

Or so their coach wants us to think, for some reason--probably because she thinks it's "cute."

Makes total sense...this is, after all, the monstrous nation that created Miley Cyrus.


Dessert:
Our disease has been exported to China!


_

2 comments:

LiteralDan said...

Sadly, the only thing we've exported, in this case, is the idea of dressing children up in inappropriately sexualized ways, rather than actually enslaving and/or victimizing them in an organized, tolerated way, as happens in too many other countries. (American Catholic Church nonwithstanding)

So, to sum up, our run-of-the-mill horrible people (i.e. toddler pageant parents and so on) are essentially amateurish pussies when it comes to fucking up children's lives and worldviews.

This world's a scary place!

Benji said...

This is the kind of thing I can't FATHOM a parent supporting. Anywhere. And yet, the facts don't lie.