The unavoidable Big Brother potential of this recent, sweeping technological advancement has resulted in the near-realization of the Madmen's wet dream-- targeted advertising. Targeted like never before, tailored to the individual user. No ad space wasted on the wrong audience. Efficiency. Soon. Once we get those pesky privacy laws out of the way!
Well, in the meantime, I hope those sad, overpaid men (and a handful of women, let's be honest) who make all the decisions at the handful of 'cutting-edge' agencies have their hairy ears well-perked. Lean in...closer...
"Serial Killers!!!"
Your ears ringing? I thought so. You know what that sound is? Money. Cascading into your Vietnamese pot-bellied piggy bank, asshole! Until it bursts!
Forget waiting for the imminent information harvesting to begin and jump right in, ahead of everybody, because when you talk about the Internet there are very few certainties.
One of them is that serial killers spend more time on it than anybody else. And as hard as they might be to catch with blood on their hands, it is nowhere near as difficult to guess which websites they visit.
Think of it as the virtual equivalent of Eliot Ness knowing every bar and restaurant Al Capone goes to, where he lives, who he's fucking, what he says on the phone...but Al being too smart to get caught doing anything but evading taxes.
Now, if Mr. Ness had been in advertising, he would have simply hung billboards for cigarettes, booze, prostitutes, cigars, fine clothing, guns, roomy luxury sedans, etc. in all the stalls and booths and bars in all the joints he went to-- and retired on the proceeds.
So, bringing this all back home...if you know half the hits on Hannah Montana's website come from serial killers (which we will never know for sure, but is as good as fact), why not post an ad on the site that says something like this:
"To a good son, every day is Mother's Day...when was the last time you bought her flowers? Call 1-800-FLOWERS now--it's that easy!"
Boom. 500,000 bouquets of long-stem roses are sold. Every day.
(Yes, there are that many. At least.)
Similarly, every radio 'DJ' who creates and posts videos on youtube needs to admit who their audience is. Those pages should be PLASTERED with ads for overalls, workboots, the Jaclyn Smith Collection, poison, Shirley MacLaine biographies, trampy transvestite makeup, Tyler Perry movies, and used conversion vans.
Throw in the elementary ones like Crate & Barrel cookware ads on every page about boiling human brains...hacksaws/garbage bags/duct tape whenever somebody searches for 'human anatomy'...etc...and you see how easy and, more importantly, how lucrative this approach would be!
It just goes to show you, even though most people wouldn't like to admit it, when it comes to the Internet, the only sure things are porn and serial killers.
Write it down.
_
btw--everyone with an avatar on this site is a serial killer. see how many there are? and there are a lot more sites just as scary. like this one, for example (if you read the comments at the bottom).
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