Snoop Dogg Hits a New Low

I don't know anything about poptart Katy Perry except that she is married to an unfunny comedian (Russell Brand), purchased her breasts, looks like a trashier version of Zooey Deschanel (which I didn't think was possible), and really likes the fact that she once kissed a girl.

After watching her latest video, however, which a friend recommended due to its supreme awfulness--it did not disappoint--I am mystified both as to why she is a success and, more importantly, why Snoop Dogg would want to be associated with her in such a public capacity.

Why? Well, because Snoop Dogg used to be cool. His wacky aesthetic, chronic misoginism, and stoner thuggery used to blend perfectly with his clever lyrics, Dr. Dre's beats, his ungainly frame, and the playfulness inherent in anything 'West Coast.'

But ever since he stopped smoking pot--or at least stopped owning up to it--his goofy style has suddenly become the worst thing about him and his every decision (save his generous support for PeeWee football in CA) has been atrociously uncool, if ultimately profitable for Snoop Dogg, Inc.

Every boy from Long Beach's dream come true

Nice murse, Cordozar Calvin Broadus...

This should have been a much tougher Photoshop job--because Snoop

should never have been that close to Martha Stewart in real life.

Even that little girl can't believe Snoop is on Ellen.

And the worst part is that I bet he danced with her. Shudder...

The long and the short of it is that Snoop can do what he wants, but he should realize that he's now an irrelevant, fame-addicted, greedy asshole in the same league as Josh Groban, Nicholas Cage, the Coldplay dude, Garth Brooks, and everybody else he and his buddies probably used to make fun of when they were younger and cooler.

_

Life Imitates Art

I read something once about hip-hop/rap videos that interested me. The article discussed the phenomenon of poor rappers renting Rolls Royces, hiring fawning booty girls, talking about how tough and famous they are...and becoming famous, rich, and sexually desirable as a result. The age-old idea of life imitating art. [Is it in fact 'age-old?' I wonder how to verify that...]

Unattractive men have become musicians to get girls ever since music was invented, so it's not like that aspect of it took me by surprise; it was the fact that even an attractive man can benefit from such posing, because he can not only increase the number of women after him, but he can also become rich. Shouting about how rich you are, even though you are not, can make you rich; such a music video can turn a liar into a mere fortune teller. Presto. Fascinating.

Years later--last night, in fact--after I watched an Eric Rohmer movie, A Summer's Tale, and then thought about the life and loves of Woody Allen, I was struck with the same realization about filmmakers. Self-doubting, overly-intellectual, unattractive men tend to write movies where a 'physically undeserving' man must choose between two or three beautiful women. He debates their respective virtues among friends, finds reasons both--or neither--would be the right choice for him, but the fact that they are both far out of his league is a topic that is never broached. Therefore, even the most gut-wrenchingly raw, realistic movie about an intellectual in love (I'm thinking Rohmer and Woody Allen here) is total fantasy, because the fundamental conceit is flawed from the start.

Yet, by craftily avoiding the question of their worthiness, they ultimately prove themselves in the right when, as a result of their movies, the directors are able to effortlessly lure beautiful women into their beds. Life imitates art once more. [Note: It's sadly not quite the same for writers; not enough beautiful women read. Yeah, I said it. If it'll make you feel better, the same is true of handsome men. It's just too hard to find time to read when you're always fucking supermodels...]

And so, just as Mick Jagger would never be able to bed any girl under nineteen stone were he not in the Rolling Stones, and John Mayer would never get a first look from Jessica Simpson (much less a second) were he not a millionaire recording artist, Woody Allen, Michaelangelo Antonioni, Peter Bogdanovich, and others would never have had their pick of the ladies were it not for them making movies about guys like them having a shot with their beautiful leading ladies. [Note: I'm not sure if Rohmer ever got to have sex; too little is known about his personal life. It wouldn't surprise me if he dies a virgin, or at least never explored beyond missionary with his wife.]

It's not a bad strategy, I must admit. Since I don't play guitar, I better get cracking on those film scripts. Ladies, I will win you over yet--simply by telling you that I will win you over.