Missed Connection

Last night, somewhere in the Marigny, New Orleans - m4w - 41

Me: Man, nevernude shorts, Daffy Duck applique t-shirt w/bird-shit stain, snoring in the gutter as I dreamed about slaying dragons with my mind

You: Legs, girl, laughed when a horse peed a river that roused me from my slumber and ruined my favorite outfit

Fancy letting me perform oral sex on you for a few hours in your air-conditioned house on the whiter side of town? I promise I won't try anything else--I'm just looking to cool off for awhile and I don't have any money and you seem like a nice girl who could use a little attention, keeps herself clean.

If interested, I'll be riding on the shoulders of Jean Baptiste La Moyne in the French Quarter, warbling my favorite Christmas carols all night long as I work my way through three bottles of Mad Dog I stole from CVS this morning while the cashier tied her shoe. Swing by to pick me up and we can go from there, lovergirl.

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So THAT'S Why They Call It B.O...

For those of you not on the left coast, fyi, it's been hot as balls; an ideal time to seek refuge in the comforts of an ice-cold movie theater, 1920s-style.

Yet it's hard to recall a time when I was less inclined to venture out to a movie theater than this past weekend--and based on the precipitous drop in box office, it seems I wasn't alone.

But don't worry, folks--not only does notorious turdlet G.I.Joe open this Friday, but so does the long-awaited "adventures of the wishing rock," if the startlingly self-mocking poster I saw at the bus stop last night is to be believed.

Seriously?

William H. Macy, say it ain't so! I'm broke as hell, but I'll gladly sell my blood and give ya the dough til a better role comes along! You don't need this! Really! Your wife makes plenty of money on that shitty TV show anyway!


At this point, I'd rather see El Mariachi 6 starring Jack Black and Shia LaBeouf than anything else the egomaniacal Robert Rodriguez churns out at his sadly-highly-profitable, one-man movie studio...

The world doesn't need any more Steven Spielturds--one is more than enough.

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