Bad Science

I had never heard of this movie until I read this disappointing article on movies featuring bad science today, which is surprising because Delroy Lindo has been my favorite actor since Romeo Must Die.

I know we all know how bad movies can be, but still--check out this summary:


Who the hell thought this movie would be attractive at the multiplex? Were they ever allowed to make a decision again? Sadly, they were.

The majority of movies that involve bad science are tolerated because most people have no idea it is bad science and the story is enjoyable. Examples: Not that many people know cold fusion does not exist, much less what it is, but they still enjoyed The Saint; time travel is not possible, yet Back to the Future is awesome.

However, I feel like every person over the age of eight knows that the center of the Earth is so hot that people would be instantly incinerated before they even got there, even if they aren't aware of the lethal poisonous gases down there or the fact that the Earth's core would not stop spinning.

So how does the movie get around all this? It doesn't. The scientists unload at the Earth's core without masks, protective gear, or some sort of jerry-rigged "heat neutralizer." Instead, they just sweat a lot.


An even more interesting problem, however, is the fact that after the hydrogen bomb detonates in the Earth's core, the resulting tidal wave of lava radiating outward would most likely cause every volcano on Earth to experience a simultaneous eruption of epic proportions, killing untold millions and spewing so much ash into the atmosphere that we wouldn't see the sun for years causing crops to fail, people to riot, Armageddon--a species extinction on par with that of the Cretaceous period.

But that doesn't matter, because science must always serve the story, and this is a great story, right? Well...to be fair, let's look at the plot more closely, in pictures:

This is where a nerd with a huge penis drops the science, explaining to the audience what exactly is going on here, and why it is an urgent problem; Aaron is enthralled.

This is where the Douche Dream Team, doing their best Armageddon impression, is finally assembled and goes for a walk on the beach before breaking fast at the Ihop near LAX.

This is what it looks like when they get down there,
exactly as predicted by the nerd's sophisticated 1976 modeling technology.

This is what it looks like when the Fat Man sings.

Aaron and Hilary are unable to avoid getting hot and bothered
as they watch the nuclear explosion from a nearby ridge,
in Aaron's sweet-ass Thunderbird convertible.

For no reason whatsoever, since they were totally a safe distance away,
Aaron turns into an asshole/scientific implausibility
and ruins the moment with Hilary, so they all go home.

Preparing for her new role of celebrity planet-saving-scientist,
Hilary exercises like a madwoman every day and loses touch with reality.

In retrospect, maybe it wasn't such a bad movie after all...

_