My mother informed me today that the Chicago Cubs are playing with pink armbands on today. Not to be outdone, their opponents--the Milwaukee Brewers--are playing with pink baseball bats.
Why? Because it's Mother's Day, silly!
Oh, Hallmark, what manner of hell hath thou wrought? Your profit-driven machinations have spun out of control like so many dastardly sentient robots.
Is nothing sacred?
For every woman out there watching the game, cooing about all the manly men adorned in pink in their vague honor, I hope to vomit at least once.
I am aware that will require me to spend the entire day vomiting--nay, perhaps the entire year--but I am okay with that.
I needed new teeth anyway...
_
