It cannot be mere coincidence that two years after renowned superhuman Jason Bourne hung up his balls to prance around town/have children with a saucy former Miami bartender, Europe has gone to shit.
Who's running things over there across the pond these days? Criminals, that's who:
- $15.5 million in jewelry and cash stolen from an ignorant Saudi princess visiting Italy with enough cash to buy the Pope
- $66 million in jewelry stolen in broad daylight from an unbelievably vulnerable London jewelry store that beat its own previous record of $37 million
- Russian woman pointlessly lobs coffee mug at bulletproof Mona Lisa in Paris
- Russian agents teach two Chechnyan activists a lesson; bodies found in trunk of car
Wherefore art thou so selfish, J-boy? Methinks it's high time for you to once again don the proverbial cape. Just make sure your will is in order before you leave American soil--it would kill me if any of your descendants ever had to work for a living.
Update: Bourne heeds call to arms, prepares to resume the good fight. In two years, when he is good and ready.
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