Jimmy Kimmel is a Talent-Less Hack

As if I didn't already despise Jimmy Kimmel enough--for being a comedian who is not funny, yet broadcast over the airwaves five times a week to millions of zombies across our once-great nation--this just arrived in my email inbox:



Why exactly is he interviewing the cartoon mascot of an insurance company? Has product placement really become so blatant? Have we fallen this far?

Or is it all a dream? Punch me in the face and maybe it'll wake me up.
Or knock me out and I can forget about all this...


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Jimmy Kimmel Shits Out #1000!

Thursday night is a very special night, folks. Hero for the everyman, Jimmy Kimmel, will broadcast his 1000th piece-of-shit episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live from the historic Freemason's Temple in Hollywood!

I am proud to say that I have not seen one single episode during the five-year run. Incidentally, this broadcast will make Jimmy Kimmel Live (which is not live, by the way, but taped an hour before airing) the longest-running late-night talk show on ABC since The Dick Cavett Show in the '70s. I would venture this is indicative of the poor taste of ABC creative executives that over a thirty-year period, they have found no suitable competition to Carson, Letterman, Leno, etc. The same poor taste that led them to choose to give Jimmy Kimmel his own talk show.

En garde!

How do you look yourself in the mirror when you know the thing you are most famous for is your girlfriend claiming to have had sex with Matt Damon? And that the thing you are second-most-famous for is that YOU claimed to have had sex with Ben Affleck? Obviously, I know they are both jokes--I'm not an idiot--but still...that has to set some sort of record for 'depressing statistics among television personalities.'

Jimmy Kimmel, please fade into obscurity in the near future. If you do, I'll give you a donut!