Douchenberg?

In honor of Jay Leno's recent 'what-have-you' with Conan O'Brien/NBC, and his constant, suspicious profession of innocence in the matter, I feel it is my duty to remind the public of exactly what kind of character we are dealing with here when we speak of the man we call 'Jay Leno.'

What we are talking about here is a well-informed vintage car collector who bought a $1.5 million 1931 Duesenberg automobile for $180,000 and claims to have paid 'fair market value.'

Never mind that the owner was in his 80s, totally unaware of the sale, and suffering from dementia--or that Leno and the manager of the garage lied to that old man and put his cars up for sale in a secret auction where they were the only bidders. Or that the garage manager later shot himself in the face rather than face the music.

That's just how the game is played, right? Right?! Can I get a high-five on that?

Maybe only from Jay the 'humanitarian'...


...and then there is this, which I present to you for no reason in particular, except that it is funny to watch somebody impersonate Jay Leno so casually:



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Things I Learned About My Governor Today

- His chair at the conference table is 4 inches higher than all the others. Nobody else is ever allowed to sit in it.

- Every square inch of his bathroom wall is covered by either a framed photo of him, a framed political cartoon about him, a drawing of him, or a painting of him.

- He likes almonds.

- He has a 3ft-tall, metal, blinking Terminator skeleton immediately behind his desk, over his shoulder.

- He has the sword from Conan the Barbarian on display in the President Ronald Reagan Cabinet Room adjacent to his office.

- When he wears a green velvet sportcoat, his orange hair makes him look like an elf.

- His Chief of Staff, Daniel, is totally a vampire.

- He's a Leo.