Breaking: Tom Cruise Is a Total Liar

Cameron Diaz is 5'9". Tom Cruise is 5'7". Cameron Diaz is wearing 4-5" heels.

And Tom Cruise is wearing 6" heels. You do the math:

Notice how wide his boots are at the ankle? No 5'7" man has ankles that big--that extra room is because his heel is 5" higher than where it should be atop those 1" boot-heels, and his foot needs to slide down as far forward in the toe as possible to make this whole charade look legit.

I wonder who makes these special shoes for him. I wonder how much Tom pays him/her to never utter a word about their arrangement. I wonder what else Tom is hiding...maybe a big ole blue streak of gayness?

I guess anything is possible--hell, he figured out how to be as tall as Cameron Diaz in heels, right?


[Hat-tip to HuffPo for the juicy gossip]

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Hollywood Update #421

Cameron Diaz and Nick Cassavetes

It's official--Cameron Diaz is a total alien freak.

Is she going to start turning black and looking like a man soon? Is she the anti-Michael Jackson the universe has been waiting for? Will her increasing creepiness bring an end to the global warming caused by Michael's?

Or maybe she's just afraid of aging and making all the wrong moves.



Also official:

John Cassavetes has risen from the dead intending to hunt and slaughter his own son like only a zombie can. Nick is half his fault, after all...


Oh, and how could they honestly give Cameron Diaz a star? Really? Who came next, Alf? Have we really run so low on icons?

Sadly, yes.

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